Chapter 3
~ Vampire Road Trip ~
Just like the day before, Pugh's house had quite a few visitors. Unlike the day before, however, none of said visitors were there in a misguided attempt to kill him; they were his vampire friends from the surrounding towns and counties, and they were all gathered around the large, round table in Pugh's kitchen. Pugh himself sat in the middle of one side of the table, between a vampire whose light brown hair hung down over his face a bit and another wearing a suit and tie. There was also an overweight vampire who was very far removed from the typical "pretty-boy vampire" image (a sight that would surely shock any teenage vampire fangirl), a lone female, and a young male vampire wearing what appeared to be a bad imitation of something a samurai might wear.
"Whoa," the samurai-wannabe vampire said, apparently just now noticing that the table he had been sitting at was covered in maps. "What're all these maps 'n' stuff for?"
Pugh sighed and shook his head. The female vampire, sitting just one chair away from the one who had spoken, reached over and punched him in the shoulder. And, finally, the overweight vampire on the other side of the table spoke up and answered the younger one's question.
"Steve... we're moving."
The younger vampire scratched his head for a second, then spoke up once again.
"Uh... what? Moving? Why are we moving? Nobody told me we were moving..."
"I think the more important question is," the vampire with the hair hanging over his face said, "Where are we moving?"
"That question is exactly why I brought all you guys here," Pugh said, "And the maps, of course. We've got to figure out where we're going to go."
"So, uh," Steve said, "Why are we even moving in the first place?"
Pugh reached over to a laptop computer sitting in the middle of the table and tapped a few keys; within a matter of seconds, two pictures popped up on the screen. On the left, there was a girl in black, gothy-looking clothes, hugging a very uncomfortable-looking vampire so tightly that he seemed to be having trouble breathing. On the right, there was an angry mob of priests, rednecks, and teenagers wielding wooden stakes, crosses, and all sorts of other crudely-made anti-vampire weapons.
"Take a good look," Pugh said, passing the laptop around the table.
"On the left, we have the dreaded vampire fangirl. Teenagers, usually female, completely obsessed with the idea of having... some sort of relationship with a vampire."
Steve flinched slightly, but then looked somewhat interested... which led the female vampire to smack him once again. The fat vampire shook his head slightly, the other young-looking vampire groaned, and the last one--wearing a suit and vampire-bat-print tie--looked a bit shocked and disgusted.
"And on the right, of course, we have the more traditional reaction to vampires, the crowd of not-too-bright villagers with pointy sticks."
This time, Steve looked a bit scared, but quickly faked fearlessness as soon as the other vampires looked in his direction. Needless to say, it wasn't especially convincing.
"Unfortunately, there's been a lot more activity from both of these groups lately... I'm still not completely sure why," Pugh explained, "But I think I may have accidentally made the problem worse when I agreed to be interviewed on the news the other day."
Noticing a few dirty looks from the other vampires, Pugh sighed and then continued his explanation.
"Of course, this kind of thing doesn't just spring up overnight. Somebody in the area must have figured out that vampires existed even before I ended up on TV... otherwise, the reporters wouldn't have come to me for the interview in the first place."
"So," the vampire in the suit and tie said, "You're saying that they would have found out about us eventually, even without the interview?"
"Exactly," Pugh replied, "And if we stay here, this vampire craze will just keep going until it's completely out of control. A few months without any sightings, though, and things might calm down again."
"So we're not really moving, then," the vampire girl said, "We're just going to live somewhere else until the crazies here give up, and then we come back. Right?"
"That's one possibility."
Pugh picked up the laptop and typed away at it for a few seconds, then passed it around the table once again while he explained the other possibility.
"On the other hand... it's possible that the vampire craze won't die out anytime soon. One of the 'crazies,' as you say, could end up in a position of power... and then we might end up with a repeat of the Sarah Palin incident."
"Wait, wait, wait," Steve blurted out, leaning across the table suddenly. "Sarah Palin? You mean that scary lady who's the governor of Alaska? What does she have to do with anything?"
The other vampires all sighed, growled, and/or shook their heads. Surprisingly, however, this comment wasn't enough to earn Steve another shoulder-punch; the female vampire sitting next to him only turned her head toward him and spoke.
"If you had actually read the article on Pugh's computer, you'd know that already."
"Heh," the vampire in the suit snickered, "Guess Steve's not much of a reader after all."
"Hey! I read all kinds of stuff!"
"Yeah, Steve reads all kinds of stuff," the girl grumbled. "But only if you mean 'Japanese comic books' when you say 'stuff'..."
"Anyway," Pugh interrupted, "As those of you who read the article already know, Sarah Palin is the reason why the vampire population of the entire state of Alaska is down to eleven."
He took back the laptop, reading over the article for a bit to make sure he had all the facts right, and then continued.
"Back in the late eighties, Alaska had a wave of vampire obsession much like the one we're having here right now. But this one never quite died out, even when some of the vampires left town. Before too long, amateur vampire hunters ended up being like local celebrities up there... and some of them used that to get into positions of power."
He typed something into the laptop, then passed it around once again. On the screen this time was a picture of Sarah Palin, in her younger years, campaigning for city council with a large poster that said "No More Vampires by '95."
"Sarah Palin, of course, was one of these people. First she was on the city council, then she became the mayor, and just a few years back she finally rose all the way up to governor. The government has gone through a lot of trouble to cover up this part since then, but one of the major campaign issues in those years was her vampire-slaying hobby."
"So," the fat vampire asked, "Just how bad was it?"
"In 1982, there were over a hundred vampires in Alaska. By the time Sarah Palin was elected governor, the population was down to fourteen. Within a month of her inauguration, three more vampires had gone missing, bringing the population down to the lowest point in the state's history."
He cleared his throat and took a sip from the cup of fruit juice next to the computer, then went on to the next subject.
"So... about the whole moving out thing. Staying in one place for too long probably wouldn't be a good idea, but it'd be nice to find someplace where we can stay for weeks or months at a time instead of moving around every few days. Any suggestions?"
The vampires paused and thought about it. A few of them grabbed maps and looked over them, and others picked up the various brochures and pamphlets advertising tourist attractions all over the country. This went on quietly for a while, before eventually the vampires began talking amongst themselves, trying to decide on someplace that they could agree to move to.
"So," Pugh said, after the discussion had gone on for nearly an hour, "Any ideas?"
Steve, who was fumbling around in an attempt to fold up one of the maps correctly, suddenly looked up.
"Ooh, ooh, I know!", he said, "We could go to California!"
The other vampires gave him a variety of odd looks.
"Steve," the fat vampire said, "California is thousands of miles away."
"Well, California does have the second-highest vampire population in the country," the vampire in the suit and tie said, "But Rhombus is right... that would be a bit of a long trip."
Pugh nodded, and the rest of the vampires looked at their maps again for a few minutes. Eventually, the vampire in the suit spoke up once again.
"I was thinking we could head north toward New York," he said, pointing to his map and moving his finger across it. "Highest vampire population in the country, so I'm sure there's a few safe places up there for out-of-state vampires to stay."
"Not too far away, either," Rhombus said, looking down at the map in front of him for a second. "We should be able to make it in less than a day."
"I'm with Zamboni on this one," the vampire girl said, glancing toward the vampire in the suit.
"Hmm... I'm not sure," the vampire with hair hanging down over his face said. "New York does seem to be pretty vampire-friendly, but... they do a lot of TV filming up there, too. If we're trying to get the vampire panic around here to calm down, the last thing we need is another vampire sighting on TV."
"So," Pugh said, "Where do you think we should go, Elvis?"
"I don't really have a specific place in mind," he answered, "But I think we should head for someplace a little more out of the way. If there's less humans around, we're less likely to be spotted."
"Unfortunately, though," Zamboni said, "There's another side to that one. If there's less humans around, it'll be a lot harder to keep up a good supply of blood."
"We've got enough for a week or so stored away in the Bloodmobile," Pugh said, "But you're right, we'll need to be careful not to run too low if we move to someplace without a lot of humans to get donations from."
Rhombus shrugged slightly, then gave his own suggestion for what to do if they ran low on blood.
"We could always bite cows."
"Cows? Ewww! I don't wanna bite a cow, they probably taste like grass or something!"
Pugh shook his head, and several of the others groaned. The lone female vampire at the table just barely avoided punching Steve again, instead asking him a question.
"Uh, Steve? How would you even know what grass tastes like?"
Steve turned away, looking a bit embarrassed. Ignoring the issue of how he could possibly know what grass tasted like in the first place, the rest of the vampires went back to what they were talking about before.
"Okay," Pugh said, "So Steve wants to go to California, Zamboni and Crurotarsi both want to go to New York, Elvis wants to go somewhere that's not too heavily populated by humans..."
"I'd be fine with anywhere," Rhombus added, "As long as we don't need to drive for days on end to get there."
"Right," Pugh said, "So... how are we going to decide?"
Everyone talked back and forth for a few minutes, and then finally someone spoke up. Unfortunately, it was Steve.
"Uh... how about flipping a coin?", he said, "Heads, we go north toward New York; tails, we go south and live out in the middle of nowhere. And then after a few weeks or so we can start heading out west toward California!"
"I kind of hate to admit it," Crurotarsi said, "But... that's really not all that bad of an idea."
Pugh reached around in his wallet for a few seconds, but then came up empty; apparently the only money he was carrying with him was the green, papery kind.
"Anyone have a quarter handy?"
For a moment, all of the vampires dug around in their wallets (or pockets, or purses, or whichever money-carrying device each one happened to have) in search of a simple quarter. It was Elvis--pulling an old quarter from one of the pockets in his baggy pants--who was the first to actually find one. He handed it over to Pugh, and everyone stopped and watched as the quarter went flipping upward into the air...
...and then almost immediately fell back down, landing right on top of one of the folded-up maps.
"What'd it land on?", Steve asked, almost standing on his chair in attempt to get a closer look at the coin. Everyone else craned their necks over the table to get a good look as well, though not quite as exaggeratedly as Steve.
"Tails," Pugh said, scooping up the coin and handing it back to Elvis. "So... looks like we're going to be heading south first."
"Leaving tomorrow night, right?", Rhombus asked.
"Right," Pugh answered, "Got to have some time for everyone to pack, after all. How does tomorrow at 5 o'clock sound for you guys?"
Rhombus nodded.
"Should be enough."
"Yeah," Steve said, "I guess that'll be enough time for me to get all my stuff packed."
Everyone else seemed to agree; five o'clock would give them more than enough time to get everything together, get it to Pugh's house, and get ready to leave for who-knows-how-long. Pugh nodded and went to work folding up and putting away all the maps, and everyone else slowly got up and left, jumping into their respective vehicles (or, in Steve's case, calling a taxi to come pick him up) and driving away in all different directions.
By the time the next morning--err, afternoon--came around, Pugh had opened his garage door and pulled the Bloodmobile out into the driveway. He pushed a button somewhere on the inside of the vehicle, and several bunk beds (with seatbelts attached to the lower bunks in several places, oddly enough) folded down out of the walls, filling up some of the empty space that the inside of the Bloodmobile usually had an excess of. He took a quick peek into the refrigerator to make sure that there was plenty of blood inside (and that the blood hadn't gone bad from being in storage too long), then hopped out of the vehicle and headed back in to get his luggage.
By the time he had loaded several old suitcases into the trailer, the rest of the vampires had started to show up. Elvis, Zamboni, and Rhombus had carpooled together, and it showed--the vehicle that the three vampires arrived in was virtually overflowing with backpacks, suitcases, and duffelbags of all shapes and sizes. A few minutes later, Crurotarsi came speeding down the road on a rather large and noisy motorcycle; if the others hadn't already known what she was going to be driving in on, they wouldn't have been able to recognize her for the flame-patterned helmet that completely covered her head.
Nearly ten minutes passed before Steve finally arrived, walking down the street with a black garbage bag crammed full of something slung over his shoulder. He was also pulling a cardboard box on a rope behind him, and wearing a sheathed wooden sword on his belt. He was sweating like crazy, and looked absolutely exhausted.
"Whoa," Rhombus asked, "How far did you have to walk?"
Steve shrugged, put the garbage bag down on the sidewalk, and then finally answered.
"I dunno... just a mile or so, I think," he said, wiping the sweat off of his forehead and suddenly looking much less tired than before. "I couldn't get the taxi guy this time, so I tried hitchhiking... and then the people that picked me up dropped me off at the wrong house for some reason, so I had to walk the rest of the way."
"A cardboard box and a trash bag?", Elvis asked, hefting the last of his backpacks into the back of the Bloodmobile, "What, you didn't even keep your old backpack from school or something?"
"Uh... yeah, I did, but... it's got a broken zipper and smells kinda funny."
"Ah. Yeah, I'd probably take the trash bag over that, too."
A few minutes later, Steve and the rest of the vampires had managed to load the last of their boxes, bags, and suitcases into the Bloodmobile. Pugh and Elvis took a couple of bungee cords and strapped the luggage together (and also to a hook on the inside of the vehicle) so that it wouldn't bounce and slide around too much during the drive, and then they hopped outside. Rhombus relocated his car into the nearby garage, and Crurotarsi did the same with her motorcycle; the last thing they needed was to find that someone had stolen their vehicles while they were away. Once they were both back outside, Pugh pushed a button on a remote and the garage door slowly slid shut.
The entire group of vampires then gathered in Pugh's driveway just outside the Bloodmobile, and they quickly went over a checklist of various things that someone was likely to have forgotten.
"First thing," Elvis said, holding up a small bottle. "Sunscreen. Everyone have some?"
Steve groaned, suddenly remembering that he had left his sunscreen back at home after putting on just enough to last until sunset. Everyone else sighed.
"Okay then... the first store we come across outside of this county, we're stopping to buy Steve some sunscreen."
Elvis put the bottle of sunscreen away, then paused for a moment before continuing the list.
"Of course, we've got plenty of food in the Bloodmobile's fridge," he said, "So that's taken care of. What's next... ah, clothes. Everyone have at least a few days' worth?"
This time, nobody seemed to have forgotten anything; even Steve seemed to be confident that he had more than enough clothes to go a few days without access to a laundromat.
"Okay, everybody's got clothes. Next thing on the list... toothbrushes and toothpaste. Got to keep those fangs in good shape, after all."
"Got it," Steve said, holding up an old-looking toothbrush that seemed like it was well overdue for a replacement.
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"And... money. Everyone have some spare cash on them?"
Steve pulled an old wallet out of... well, not his pocket, since his samurai-knockoff pants ddn't have any. Instead, he had apparently stuck the wallet between his pants and his belt, counting on the belt to hold it in place. Needless to say, it probably wasn't the best place to put his wallet. Everyone else ignored Steve, checking their own supplies of money instead.
"Looks like we've got just about everything," Pugh said, walking over toward the driver's-side door of the Bloodmobile. "Everyone ready to go?"
Most of the vampires nodded or quietly agreed. Steve, on the other hand, jumped into the air and screamed out "YEAH!"
This, of course, got him a variety of funny looks from the others, and a punch from Crurotarsi that sent him crashing back down to the ground. Groaning, Steve picked himself back up and dusted off his imitation samurai suit, then quietly climbed up into the Bloodmobile along with the rest of the vampires. Once everyone was in their makeshift bed-seats (with Elvis taking the only actual car seat, the passenger's seat next to Pugh in the front) and all the doors were closed up, Pugh started up the Bloodmobile and drove off down the road, leaving the city of Covington behind...
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