Chapter 5
~ But Not Too White ~
Several days passed as the vampires traveled across the state of Alabama, searching for some sort of vampire community they could safely live in for a while... preferrably one that didn't involve cousins getting married or harmless woodland animals being brutally murdered for their blood. Unfortunately, however, each day came up with no results. One old house that had supposedly been the home of a vampire years earlier had since been abandoned and fallen into disrepair; another was no longer a house at all, having burned down in a fire sometime in the recent past.
Occasionally they would come upon another secluded area populated by trailers like the one where Crowbar and his family lived, but most of these weren't even the homes of vampires; on more than one occasion, Pugh and company had to dodge bullets from the drunken redneck inhabitants of these trailers as they ran back to the Bloodmobile. The few vampires they did meet in these places were usually not much better than the humans, with eating habits that resembled ten-year-old Truck and all sorts of bones and rotting bodies littering their front yeards.
Eventually, even Elvis had given up on the plan to stay in places far away from human population centers. Instead, he had taken to flipping through the maps in search of a fairly small town with a hospital nearby, so that the Bloodmobile could stop and restock its blood supply before it ran too low.
It was several hours past sunset on their fifth day in Alabama when the Bloodmobile first pulled in to a small city known only as Tumpaduh. The place was large enough to have its own school system, hospital, and a handful of stores and restaurants, but little else; there were plenty of humans around, but not so many that the streets were crowded. It seemed, like Covington, to be a nice place tucked away in the middle of nowhere, where a group of vampires could probably find someplace to live without being noticed.
"So... what do we do now?", Zamboni asked, glancing out through one of the windows as they drove past a group of teenage girls. "It's a bit late to start running the Bloodmobile."
"Well," Pugh said, "I was thinking we could split up and take a look around the city for a while. Get an idea of where everything is before we find a place to move in."
"Now would be a good time to do it," Elvis said. "It's past bedtime for most humans already. Another hour or two and the streets should be pretty much empty."
Steve looked up as they passed a small convenience store.
"Hey guys, you think they sell comic books anywhere down here? I've read through my whole stash already..."
Crurotarsi glared at the younger vampire, while Rhombus just shrugged.
"No idea."
The Bloodmobile rolled on for another few minutes, before Pugh finally spotted a good place to park for the night--an empty parking lot in front of what used to be some sort of store, which had apparently been torn down a while ago. He made a slow turn into the parking lot and headed over to the far end, where the vehicle would be a bit less noticable from the road. Once the Bloodmobile came to a stop, all of the vampires got out and stretched, relieved to finally be standing on solid ground again after days on end of driving.
"So," Pugh said, "Who wants to look around for stores and restaurants we might be able to get some food from?"
Steve, clearly thinking of the kind of stores that sell comic books rather than the kind that Pugh was talking about, immediately raised his hand.
"Ooh, ooh! Me!"
"Okay, then," Pugh said, nodding toward Steve. "Rhombus, you go with him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble. I'll be heading over to that hospital we drove by earlier to see if they'll let me set up the Bloodmobile in their parking lot."
"And the rest of us," Zamboni said, glancing over to Elvis and Crurotarsi. "I guess we'll just be taking a look around town, not looking for anything specific?"
"Sounds fine to me," Elvis said, pulling on a hooded sweatshirt that made him look quite a bit like an average teenager (despite the fact that he was easily old enough to be a teenager's father.)
Crurotarsi shrugged slightly, apparently not having any specific destination in mind either.
"Let's meet back here by sunrise," Pugh said. "That should leave plenty of time to take a good look around, right?"
The other vampires nodded in agreement, and then they all split up into their chosen groups and walked off down the sidewalk leading into the heart of downtown Tumpaduh.
Out of all the vampires, Pugh was the first to arrive at his destination. Of course, he was the only one of the group who actually had a specific destination, so this came as a surprise to absolutely no one. He walked across the hospital's parking lot, the largest one he had seen in the entire city so far, until eventually he reached the front door.
Once inside, he drew a few odd looks from the rest of the people working there, but most of these seemed to be toward his choice of clothing (his cape most of all) rather than any of his vampirey features--rather than degenerating into fits of screaming and running, even the most suspicious people in the hospital only stared, shook their heads, and then looked away.
Finally reaching an information desk where someone who might have known about the hospital's policies was working, Pugh walked up and waited calmly while the woman behind the desk finished taking a phone call. Eventually, she put the phone down and turned toward the vampire, blinking a bit and taking a second look to confirm that there was indeed a very pale man wearing a dark blue cape in front of her.
"Um... can I help you?"
"Yes, I'm here about the Bloodmobile," he said, glancing down at the calendar on the desk. "Would tomorrow be a good day for us to take donations?"
The woman shifted through some papers and looked at her calendar as well, then glanced back up at Pugh with a slightly confused look on her face.
"You're with that Bloodmobile that travels around the country, right?"
Pugh wasn't sure exactly which one she was referring to. However, he nodded anyway; he and his friends were currently traveling all around the country in a Bloodmobile, after all.
"That's right."
"Well, the schedule I have here says you're not supposed to be back here for another month..."
Pugh, going along with her assumption that he was here from some Bloodmobile that the hospital was familiar with, faked a surprised look.
"Really? My schedule says we're supposed to be in this area tomorrow," he said, pulling out a few blank pieces of paper from one of his pockets and pretending to read over them. "Are you sure somebody didn't make a mistake?"
"Well... I'm not sure, but... nobody else is going to be using that part of the parking lot tomorrow, so I guess I could change the date on the schedule for you."
Pugh nodded again and put away the paper.
"Thanks."
Now that he had ensured that the Bloodmobile would be able to operate without any trouble, Pugh's work was done. He waited until the secretary had changed the date on her calendar, then thanked her once again before turning and walking away. On the way out, he noticed a stack of brochures sitting on a table and picked one up, finding that it contained a schedule of every location the traveling Bloodmobile would be heading to over the next year. He pocketed the pamphlet, noting that it might be useful sometime later, and then headed back outside of the hospital.
Hours later, when the sky was just beginning to brighten as the sunrise drew closer and closer, the vampires finally began to arive back at the Bloodmobile. Pugh, as usual, was the first to arrive; Elvis, Zamboni, and Crurotarsi wandered in from a different direction about half an hour later. They all sat down in the old parking lot and waited for any sign of Steve or Rhombus, a few of them taking this time to put on a fresh layer of sunscreen in case they ended up having to wait past sunrise.
"Where are those two?", Crurotarsi asked, standing up and shading her eyes with her hand in an attempt to see further into the city. "I mean, you kind of expect Steve to be running a little late, but Rhombus not showing either? Something's wrong."
"Yeah... they both know we were supposed to all meet up here before sunrise," Zamboni said, standing up as well. "What's going on?"
A few more minutes passed, and suddenly Elvis--sitting atop the roof of the Bloodmobile--spotted something off on the horizon.
"Is that... oh crap. Ohhh, crap. I think it is."
"What is it?"
"There's a big guy carrying a skinny guy over his shoulder," Elvis said, "And running. Running as fast as he can."
Pugh raised an eyebrow.
"Running? Running from what?"
"P... puh... pointy-headed ghoooosts!"
Rhombus would have rolled his eyes, shaken his head, or at the very least let out an annoyed grunt. But at the moment, he was a bit too busy running for his (and Steve's) life, racing down the sidewalk as fast as he possibly could with the barely-conscious young vampire over his back weighing him down.
Behind them were a horde of humans wearing pointy hoods and white robes, carrying torches and a variety of other dangerous implements and screaming all sorts of strange things at the tops of their lungs.
"White power!"
"But not too white!"
"Yeah! When we say white, we mean white as in Caucasian! Vampire-white just ain't no good!"
"And we don't want no niggers with vitiligo here neither!"
For a second, several of the white-robed men seemed to be giving another of their number a funny look, though it was difficult to tell with their faces almost entirely covered by their hoods. They then shrugged and went along with it, resuming their chasing, screaming, and weapon-waving just like before.
"C'mooon, Rhombush!", Steve yelled, "Run faster! The pointy-headed ghosts are *hic* yelling at me again!"
Rhombus sighed. He couldn't go any faster than he was already going--in fact, if he tried, he'd probably end up moving slower in the end thanks to exhaustion. But Steve's complaints did give him an idea--especially when he noticed several parked cars up ahead. As he approached the vehicles, he yanked Steve off of his back and suddenly flung him upward into the air over the cars, arcing upward at just the right angle. Of course, Steve wasn't exactly happy about that, and screamed all the way.
"Gwaaaaaaah!! I don't like flying! Lemme down, lemme doooown!"
Without the younger vampire weighing him down, Rhombus was now able to take off running far more quickly than before. With a running start, he jumped over several of the parked cars, landed in the bed of a nearby pickup truck, and then jumped again just in time to catch Steve as he finally came plummeting back down on the other side. Slinging him over his shoulder once again, Rhombus continued running, hoping that his little trick had given him enough of a lead on the Klansmen to finally get away.
"Oh my God, you're right," Zamboni said, staring down the road from the top of the Bloodmobile. "That is Rhombus... with Steve over his shoulder, for some reason. And it looks like they've got some sort of bizarre human cult chasing after them!"
"Cult?", Pugh asked, glancing up toward the two vampires now sitting atop his vehicle. "What kind of cult? What do they look like?"
"Long, white robes," Elvis said, "And it looks like they're wearing masks of some sort, and tall, pointy hats... or maybe they're some kind of pointy hoods. I can't really tell from this distance."
Crurotarsi turned toward Pugh.
"Ever heard of anyone crazy enough to dress like that?"
"Unfortunately... I have," he answered. "The only humans I know of that wear white robes with pointy hoods that are a group called the Ku Klux Klan. And if they've figured out that our friends are vampires, well... we might have to be moving out a bit sooner than expected."
Another minute or so passed, and Rhombus was now clearly visible. He was still running down the sidewalk toward the abandoned parking lot, though now Steve was flailing his arms and legs around a bit and apparently yelling about something. The Ku Klux Klan members, who seemed to have fallen a bit behind the two vampires, were still running as fast as they could as well, and now it was very clear that they were armed with all sorts of weapons that were sure to be very, very uncomfortable for anyone they happened to catch up to. Nobody could tell exactly how many of them there were, but it was clear that the crowd was so large that even Pugh might have had trouble--especially if he was forced to divide his attentions between fighting off the Klan and protecting the weaker members of the group.
"Okay, everybody," Pugh said, "I'm going to start up the Bloodmobile right now, and we'll take off as soon as Steve and Rhombus are safely inside."
He immediately jumped into the driver's-side door and started the engine, then rolled down the window and stuck his head back out.
"Everybody ready?"
The other vampires nodded almost in unison; Elvis and Zamboni hopped back down from the roof of the Bloodmobile, while Crurotarsi opened up one of the side doors so all three of them could get inside. Elvis climbed up into the passenger's seat, while Zamboni and Crurotarsi headed toward the back and opened up the back door.
Pugh revved up the engine and backed up across the parking lot, stopping just short of the sidewalk's edge. When Rhombus finally came running down that section of the sidewalk, Zamboni and Crurotarsi motioned for him to jump, then moved slightly to the side so that he'd have enough room for a clear landing on one of the beds. Instead of jumping, however, he first flung Steve into the back door; the young vampire bounced off of the first bed, then landed on the second for just a moment before rolling off and ending up ontop of the pile of luggage. Just as the Ku Klux Klan began to throw their pitchforks like javelins and only narrowly miss the Bloodmobile, Rhombus jumped as well, making a perfect belly-flop landing on the back bed.
"Now!"
With that signal from Crurotarsi, Zamboni slammed the back door shut and Pugh slammed on the gas, sending the Bloodmobile rocketing forward at speeds that probably weren't quite safe for such a large vehicle (let alone legal.) The white-robed crowd was quickly left in their dust, and before long the town of Tumpaduh was little more than a speck off in the distance.
It was around this time that Steve finally removed himself from the luggage and stood up, looking around as if in a daze.
"Whoa," he mumbled, "Wha... what... what're you guys doin' here? I thought it was just me... 'n' Rhombush..."
"Steve, you idiot," Crurotarsi blurted out, taking a swing at him but missing when he wobbled slightly out of the way. "His name is Rhombus. Not 'Rhombush.' And he just saved your ass from the Ku Klux Klan."
Steve blinked several times, then wobbled over again and almost fell over onto the bed he was now sitting on.
"Wha... what's a 'Coocluckscan?'", he said, shaking his head slightly as if trying to drive off some unwanted dizziness.
Before Crurotarsi (or anyone else) could correct his strange pronunciation, he spoke up again.
"Ohhh... wait, wait, I know... you're tellin' me that those pointy-headed ghosts were the Coocluckscan, right? That'sh a... *hic* funny name for a bunch of pointy-headed ghosts... doesn't sound all that shcary at all..."
While Rhombus just shook his head and groaned, the other vampires just sat silently, as if trying to figure something out but not quite being able to put all of the pieces together. When Steve let out a thunderous belch, they suddenly realized exactly what was making him act so strange.
"Steve," Crurotarsi said, sounding surprisingly calm. "Are you drunk?"
"And if so," Zamboni added, "How the hell did it happen? I mean, there's no way anyone in their right mind would serve Steve booze without asking to see an ID card first."
"I doubt he even remembers now," Rhombus said, "So I'll explain."
Everyone quieted down to listen, sure that the fact that Steve of all people was drunk must have some sort of incredible story behind it. Pugh even slowed down a bit, so that the rumbling of the engine wouldn't accidentally drown out any of Rhombus's words.
"When we went to look for places to get food, he only brought a blood packet to drink. By the time he was thirsty, it had already started to go bad..."
Steve groaned and wobbled a bit, apparently either remembering this part of the story or getting ready to fall over.
"After a while, he got so thirsty that he started to go a little nuts. While I wasn't watching, he ended up climbing up onto someone's front porch, and..."
Thump. Steve had fallen over to the side, bonking his head on the wall of the Bloodmobile and slumping down. If he wasn't unconscious, he was very close to it. Rhombus glanced over toward him for a second, then went on to continue his story.
"Like I was saying... he went up onto the front porch and bit an old man who was sleeping in a rocking chair."
Crurotarsi sighed.
"Let me guess... this guy wasn't 'asleep' so much as 'passed out drunk.'"
"Ah, Steve... you should've known," Zamboni said, grinning and holding back laughter while shaking his head disapprovingly at the same time. "You never bite a sleeping human without even checking his breath for alcohol first..."
The Bloodmobile drove onward, nearly reaching the Alabama state line before all of its passengers agreed that it was safe to park somewhere along the side of the road and get some sleep. Everyone had been walking pretty much all night, after all, and all of them (but especially Rhombus) could really use a nap. After Pugh closed the curtains on each window and Zamboni relocated the already-sleeping Steve to his own bed, the rest of the vampires climbed into their beds as well... and before long, they were all just as unconscious as Steve, though fortunately not for the same reasons.
Hours later, the vampires finally began to wake up. This time, it was not quite as early as the last few times--since they had stayed up later into the morning, most of them weren't ready to get up until the sun had almost finished setting and the sky was already growing dark.
"Whoa," Steve mumbled, scratching his head and rubbing his eyes for a few seconds before looking around. "What happened last night? My head hurts..."
Zamboni laughed and sat up in his bed.
"You were drunk," he said, still snickering a bit upon remembering exactly how it had happened.
"Drunk? Huh? How'd I get drunk?"
Rhombus, already standing awake a few feet away, turned toward the younger vampire and attempted to explain.
"Do you remember that sleeping old man on the porch that you drank blood from?"
Steve paused and thought for a moment, rubbing his head again in an attempt to get his headache to go away.
"Uh... yeah, I think so. What about him?"
"He wasn't asleep," Rhombus continued, "He was passed out drunk."
"You need to be more careful about that kind of thing," Elvis said, turning toward the back of the Bloodmobile from his place in the front passenger's seat. "You're lucky you only got drunk. Who knows what would've happened if you had bitten a crack addict or somebody with AIDS instead..."
Steve shivered a bit, then groaned.
"Ewww... okay, okay, I won't go around biting passed-out old guys anymore."
There was a brief pause, in which everyone else returned to what they were doing before and Steve rubbed his temples and scrunched up his eyes.
"Oh wait! I know," he blurted out, "If I want to bite some passed-out old guy, I'll get Pugh to check his blood with that machine thingie first!"
Rhombus groaned, Zamboni shook his head, and Elvis just ignored Steve's newest idea and went back to looking over his maps. Crurotarsi, of course, suddenly dropped down from her previous position on the top bunk and punched Steve in the shoulder, causing him to stumble forward and land face-first on the floor.
"Ouch," Zamboni said, glancing over at Crurotarsi for a second. "Don't you think the kid's first hangover is enough punishment on its own?"
"Hmm," she wondered aloud, watching as Steve struggled to stand up despite the fact that she really hadn't punched him that hard this time. "Okay... he should be back on his feet by now. Maybe you're right about the hangover thing."
"So," Pugh said, turning to face the rest of the vampires, "Where are we headed to next?"
"Good question," Elvis said, flipping through a handful of maps. "I'm guessing we should probably stay away from anywhere too far south for now... wouldn't want to run into the Ku Klux Klan again so soon after our first meeting."
Steve mumbled something in agreement as he finally managed to pull himself up off of the floor and back onto the seat-slash-bed in front of him.
"Well, there's always New York," Zamboni said, repeating what he had suggested from day one.
Crurotarsi nodded in agreement, then turned toward Pugh.
"Those 'Klan' nutjobs... they don't have much of a presence up there, do they?"
"Not that I'm aware," the older vampire answered. "These days, they generally keep to the southern states... sometimes in the Midwest too, or so I've heard. I don't think we'll be seeing crowds of them up north."
"Good," Rhombus said. "Let's just avoid the South and Midwest from now on."
On that point, the vampires all seemed to agree; nobody wanted another run-in with those white-robed lunatics anytime soon. With that important decision finally made, the Bloodmobile began to head north across the Alabama state line. Though nobody actually said it out loud, each of the vampires secretly hoped that they wouldn't see so much as a single white sheet hanging on a clothesline along the way.
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