Sunday, February 7, 2016

Numnums



Numnums are one of the three species that make up the majority of the population of the planet Nummorro, along with the K’hyurbhis and the Blurbys. They are birdlike creatures, but more closely resemble the ancient dinosaurs (with teeth, less prominent feathers, and in most species no wings) than Earth’s modern-day bird species. Most of a Numnum’s feathers are tiny “proto-feathers” that form a fuzzy layer over much of their bodies; the only notable feathers in most Numnum species are those making up a more brightly-colored plume springing up from the backs of their heads. These plumes of feathers come in a variety of colors, with various hues of green, red, and orange being the most common. They are also the only reliable way for non-Numnums to tell males and females apart at a glance, as male Numnums almost always have taller and more prominent feather plumes than females. Numnums have only two limbs—a pair of long, powerful legs which are scaly and generally orangeish in color, with four-toed clawed feet on the ends. A large portion of a Numnum’s body is made up of their mouth, which is rather large (especially for their body size) and full of sharp teeth. New teeth will start to grow in within about a week’s time if one is lost, so Numnums with damaged teeth will usually have them pulled out right away rather than making any attempt to repair them.


Life Cycle

Numnums, like most birdlike creatures, reproduce by laying eggs. Numnum eggs are whitish in color, shaped similarly to a football (but about half the size), and protected by a hard shell. Hatchlings are tiny, but born with a full set of teeth; they can stand on their own shortly after birth and rapidly grow to approximately one-third their adult size within their first five years. The average Numnum is fully grown by the age of 20, though growth still continues very slowly afterward until the Numnum has reached an age of 100 to 150 years. A rare few Numnums will continue to grow beyond this point and become increasingly larger throughout their entire lives, resulting in them reaching extraordinary sizes if they live long enough.

Like many Nummorrian species, Numnums are long-lived, with the average lifespan of one who grows old and dies naturally brushing up against the 500-year mark. A Numnum’s proto-feather coating becomes slightly thicker and darker in color with age, and as a result elderly Numnums (those of age 400 and up) usually have a grayish coloration rather than the more typical white. The colors of their larger feather plumes will also dull with age, growing gray along with their body coatings. Some Numnums have been known to lose these feather plumes entirely with age, though this seems to be tied to a particular genetic quirk and is not consistent across the entire species. Numnums typically do not become weaker with age until they are nearing the end of their lifespan, though the rate at which lost teeth grow back in does slow down drastically as Numnums grow old.


Eating Habits

Numnums are omnivores, but they are more heavily dependent on meat than the K’hyurbhis or Blurbys. They don’t eat as much grain or vegetables as the K’hyurbhis or especially the Blurbys, though fruit and cheese are common and many Numnum recipes involve sauces made with herbs such as the yumma weed. Numnum chefs have come up with several recipes loved throughout all of Nummorro, including the famous Nummian beer—a greenish-colored beverage which many Blurbys prefer even over their own brews—and the all-purpose yumma weed-based ingredient known as “Yum,” which has been made into everything from sauces to highly-concentrated portable food supplements. A significant portion of their diet is made up of smaller and weaker creatures, including various fish, reptiles (such as Nummorrian lizards) and mammals (particularly the invasive species known as the Pekauh.) Occasionally Numnums will hunt down and eat something as large as a young K’hyurbhi, though even large Numnums usually won’t go after adults.

It’s important to note that the K’hyurbhis as a species do not have any problem with the fact that Numnums occasionally eat their kind. While some human sci-fi and fantasy authors have theorized that intelligent species living on the same planet will avoid eating each other (or even see it as wrong to do so), such ideas are little more than a delusion spawned from the primitive “anything that eats us must be bad” mindset that many humans unfortunately hold on to even today. Any given individual will want to avoid being eaten, of course, but a Numnum eating a K’hyurbhi will not provoke outrage from others so long as the hunting did not involve unnecessarily devious or cruel methods and occurred outside the bounds of any settlement (sneaking into a K’hyurbhi home to snatch newborns from their crib while they sleep, for example, is heavily frowned upon.) A Numnum known to be an immoral hunter is more likely to be punished by other Numnums than by K’hyurbhis out for vengeance, especially if they live within the borders of the Num Kingdom or have been traveling with a group of other nomadic Numnums. Aside from hunting within towns and cities, other things that are forbidden include the use of traps, deception (especially if it involves pretending to simply want to talk or have a traveling companion only to later kill and eat them), killing in a way that involves long and drawn-out suffering rather than a quick death, and any excess communication between predator and prey (a rule which applies equally to both the hunter and the hunted—a Numnum taunting or threatening potential prey and a K’hyurbhi attempting to verbally beg or bargain with a predator would both qualify.) Two acts are especially taboo: eating an individual with which you are already acquainted (rather than a stranger) and the capturing of prey creatures so that they may be raised and later slaughtered when food is needed. Though such things may be common on more primitive worlds such as Earth, raising fellow beings with the intent of using them as a food supply is seen as an exceptionally vile form of slavery to the people of Nummorro, and someone caught doing so could be executed or even locked away in the depths of the underground prison known as Anan.


Powers and Abilities

The physical abilities of even the average Numnum are incredible by Earth standards. They are capable of running at high speeds, leaping high into the air (especially with a running start), kicking with greater strength than an ostrich, and biting with a force equivalent to a mid-sized crocodile. Part of their strength is purely physical, but another factor is their incredibly high degree of innate Num Power. While many species (including humans) contain a small trace of Num Power within them, this is usually not enough to actually accomplish anything without a power-boosting item such as a Num Coin; a human with exceptionally high amounts of Num Power might become able to pick up on the presence of other unusual powers nearby as a sort of “sixth sense” or experience a very slight boost in strength, but nothing more. Numnums, on the other hand, have so much Num Power that their strength, speed, and reflexes are given a significant boost even if they are not consciously aware of their power. A rare few Numnums, known as “Num Monks,” have trained for years to learn how to draw out this innate Num Power and make use of it for various things. While an ordinary Numnum might be able to run alongside a vehicle, a well-trained Num Monk would pass by every car on the highway so quickly that the drivers would see little more than an orange-and-white blur.


Culture and Society

Most Numnums are nomadic, traveling from place to place either alone or with a small group of close friends or relatives. Some will stop in at various settlements for periods of time before traveling off across the wilderness to their next destination, while others prefer to stay away from established cities unless absolutely necessary. They generally travel with many (if not all) of their possessions stored away in rolling carts which they pull using a wooden bar connected to sturdy ropes; the bar is placed inside the Numnum’s mouth, causing the cart to be pulled along behind them as they walk. Very young Numnum children will often ride on top of these carts or on one of their parents’ backs, while older ones who can keep pace with the adults but are not yet strong enough to pull carts of their own will walk alongside their parents. Unhatched eggs are carefully stored inside carts with plenty of padding to prevent them from being damaged during a trip. Populations of nomadic Numnums can be found all across Nummorro, but are most abundant on the plains of the continent of Ummiboro, where it is not uncommon to stumble upon temporary camps or walk on trails left behind by years of frequent cart travel wearing away ruts in the ground.

Pockets of Numnums who choose not to live the nomadic lifestyle can be found living as permanent residents in many Nummorrian cities and towns, though settlements with a majority-Numnum population are unheard of outside of the Num Kingdom in western Ummiboro. Though considered to be the center of Numnum society and ruled by a king, the Num Kingdom’s power is not absolute and it has no authority over Numnums who live outside its boundaries (which extend across much of western Ummiboro, including all of the plains regions and also stretching into the Rutoo Swamp to the south and the Roarasaur Forest in the north.) The Num Kingdom is the location of Koogra, which is the kingdom’s capital and is generally considered to be the only true Numnum city on the planet. Other Numnum-populated places tend to be little more than small villages or somewhat more permanent variations of the nomadic Numnums’ camps, some of them occasionally surging in population as traveling family members return all at once to visit those who prefer to stay in one place. Even most of these Numnum villages are not really permanent, as they are often built with an eventual tear-down in mind and tend to have much shorter lifespans than the Numnums themselves. Villages often fade away as their older inhabitants grow old and die, as the majority of younger Numnums choose to travel rather than staying in their hometowns for most of their lives.

The Numnums’ nomadic lifestyle makes space travel a natural fit for them, leading many Numnum scientists to travel to other worlds to see the sights and document the oddities of what lies beyond their homeworld—sometimes far beyond, with some Numnum explorers going so far as to explore worlds in the remote 40th Nherbi. The Numnums have been in contact with the internherbi Council of Iklai for centuries, and much of the Council’s police force (expected to travel to various worlds to apprehend criminals who have committed crimes on a scale beyond that of just one planet, such as high-ranking members of the Beefoe Crime Syndicate) is made up of Numnums. Though Numnums rarely settle down on other worlds in the long run, some have been known to live for several years at a time on another planet before returning home to Nummorro or hopping to another hospitable world. Iklai, as the seat of the Council that shares its name, has some Numnum inhabitants; however, they rarely stay once their years in the police force have run their course, finding Iklai’s odd pastel-colored terrain and crystal-clear oceans to be entirely too consistent for a nomadic species that prefers to travel across a variety of ever-changing landscapes throughout their lives. Small populations of them also exist in the multicultural hub that is Koowaer on the planet Bifiboro, though Koowaeri Numnums are usually lone individuals or small families who tend not to band together into entire Numnum neighborhoods (unlike others such as the K’hyurbhis, Beefoes, and Grukkodons.) Aside from Bifiboro, permanent populations of Numnums on other worlds are all but unheard of.

Numnums belonging to the various subspecies can sometimes be found traveling alongside standard Numnums or living in their villages, though they tend to stick with groups of their own kind for the most part. Fire Nums and Spike Nums seem to be the most likely to integrate themselves into the larger Numnum society or join up with groups of nomads, while many of the Waternums will go through their entire lives without so much as seeing a land Numnum. Unlike the common Numnum, members of these subspecies rarely (if ever) leave Nummorro and are all but unheard of on other worlds, even on those with a significant Numnum presence.


Relationships and sexuality

For Numnums, sex is seen as existing exclusively for the purposes of reproduction; the fact that the act itself lasts only a matter of seconds for the typical Numnum and is not known to be especially pleasurable probably has a lot to do with this. Numnums have an extremely high fertility rate, probably to counteract the fact that they are unlikely to ever have sex at all unless they actually want children -- a single instance of sexual intercourse during the appropriate time of year is almost guaranteed to produce one or more fertilized Numnum eggs, which grow inside the mother for a short period before being laid. Further sexual contact during this period may cause more eggs to become fertilized, but this becomes much less likely if the DNA of the newly-introduced sperm matches that which fertilized the eggs that are already present (perhaps a mechanism to encourage genetic diversity in the species, or maybe just a built-in means of population control in case a particular couple of Numnums happened to try to make way too many babies in rapid succession.) Though usually only a single egg is laid at a time, there have been cases of a Numnum laying as many as three or four at once, becoming much more likely in the case of multiple fertilizations during the same period. After a few months’ time, these eggs will hatch, bringing the tiny baby Numnums within them into the world. Due to the Numnums’ long lifespan, their tendency to not reproduce often has not been known to cause any problems when it comes to their population dipping too low to maintain itself, though they are consistently the least-populous of the three primary Nummorrian species.

While the parents of young Numnums will often stick together to care for their children for a time, this does not necessarily mean they have any relationship beyond just being “this baby Numnum’s parents,” and even that is not necessarily guaranteed as the “father” who sticks around is not always the one who actually fathered a particular child due to how a batch of eggs could very well have been fertilized by several different Numnums. Sometimes all of the potential fathers will travel with the mother and any children for a time, generally not caring about which of them are related by genetics; in other situations, the mother will care for her children alone or with help from her own family or another Numnum she actually does have a strong attachment toward (but who may not be the biological father of any of the children.) Among Numnum society, only the Num Kingdom’s royal family really puts much emphasis at all on heredity and keeping track of whose children were fathered by who, and even then it seems to be primarily for the purpose of making it easier to decide in advance who will be next in line to become king should the current king step down or pass away. The Num Kingdom is also the only part of Numnum society where a concept similar to the marriage contract exists; outside of royalty, Numnums are free to enter and leave relationships as they see fit, as such relationships are seen as purely personal matters with no legal status.

Because they only have sex for the purposes of reproduction, Numnum relationships do not revolve around sex in the least, being based more on emotional closeness and simply getting along very well... much like how human relationships would be if sex and purely physical attraction were completely eliminated from the formula (and perhaps more importantly, if human society’s distorted ideas about how such things “should” work were scrubbed away like the filth they are.) The majority of Numnums are capable of developing these sorts of strong bonds with Numnums of either sex and as such would likely be considered bisexual in human society. Some degree of physical closeness is often involved (for example, rubbing up on each other or snuggling close together), but sex will only take place if a Numnum couple decides that they want to raise children together, and it’s entirely possible that a potential mother Numnum would go to someone else outside the relationship to fertilize her eggs even if the two have decided they’ll be the ones to raise the children once they hatch.


Religion

Unlike the K’hyurbhis and Blurbys, the Numnums as a species have never really been interested in organized religion. Many modern-day Numnums are agnostic or have a set of vaguely-defined personal beliefs on the nature of life and death without the structured lists of “thou shalt nots” that come with established religion, while some others are atheists (though these Numnum atheists should not be mistaken for the sort of “atheist” that is unfortunately common among humans, the kind that goes beyond simply not believing in a God or gods and refuses to believe that anything out of the ordinary could exist—or worse, insists on actively antagonizing those who disagree.) In the distant past, some Numnums were known to believe in the same pantheon of gods that the ancient K’hyurbhis worshiped, but as that old religion has all but died out even among the K’hyurbhis it seems unlikely that many Numnums still follow it.


Allies and Enemies

When they get involved in the affairs of other Nummorrian species, Numnums tend to have mostly peaceful relations with their neighbors; the Blurbys in particular have almost always been allies to the Numnums. The Ranoi are known to be friends of the Numnums, though aside from rumors that they were involved in the development of certain pieces of Nummian technology they seem to have little interaction. Though historically relations between the two species have been a bit more checkered, most K’hyurbhi tribes are at least neutral toward the Numnums in modern times, with the nearly-pacifistic Dondu in particular being known for taking their side. Through their alliance with the Blurbys they have also gotten on the good side of the Wudimok and Blubberwukk tribes, and on the rare occasion that members of the far northern Herbhi tribe travel across the ocean to the south of their homeland they usually land on the coasts of the Num Kingdom. The K’hyurbhis of the city of Kurbadon located high in the mountains of eastern Ummiboro are also longtime allies of the Numnums, so much so that they allowed the Council of Iklai’s primarily-Numnum police force to construct a massive underground prison known as Anan in the mountain caves just to the south of their city. The Numnums generally have a good reputation in the nherbis beyond their homeworld, with most of those they have encountered beyond the Num solar system’s edges having at least neutral relations with them (though in some cases, Numnums have visited worlds but actively avoided any contact with their inhabitants due to potential problems seen ahead of time while monitoring them from orbit.) The Council of Iklai recognizes the Numnums as a whole (and the Num Kingdom specifically) as allies, trusting them enough that Numnums both lead and make up the majority of officers in the Council’s internherbi police force. Many of the prisoners locked away in Anan are those who were marked for capture by the Council of Iklai rather than simple Nummorrian criminals, and as a result some of the guards sent to watch over that prison are also not Nummorrian in origin.

Ever since Oolach Khurb’yi began moving the tribe toward his goal of conquering the whole of Nummorro, there has been conflict between the Numnums and the Hoi tribe of K’hyurbhis. Though few actually took part in its battles, the Numnums took the side of the Blurbys during the K’hyurbhi and Blurby War, and as result some in Hoi leadership have developed a bit of a grudge against the Num Kingdom. However, the Hoi are not the most immediate threat to Numnums, especially those living on Ummiboro—the Hamhu tribe, a group of radical K’hyurbhi separatists who believe that their species are superior beings and see Numnums as evil (if not outright demonic) because they eat K’hyurbhis, are located primarily in the Coocoo Forest just to the east of Num Kingdom. It is generally considered highly unsafe for a lone Numnum to travel through this forest, especially if they come too close to the southern half where the Great City of the Hamhu is located; it is not unheard of for Hamhu tribe members to hunt down and murder Numnums whenever one of their children goes missing, even if there is no evidence that they were killed and eaten by a Numnum (or even that they were eaten at all!)


Technology

Much like their physical capabilities, Nummian technology is amazing by Earth standards, though this is hardly surprising considering how long the Numnums have existed (and the fact that their society, unlike that of humans, has not been held back by the influences of Moronism.) Their anatomy makes it difficult for them to build much of anything themselves, but with some help from the other species of Nummorro, the Numnums have come up with a variety of inventions that make their lives easier. Although the Blurbys are usually credited as the ones who aided the Numnums in coming up with much of their technology, a persistent rumor is that the elusive Ranoi inhabiting a watery cave in the northeastern region of Ummiboro were actually the ones who originally devised their control system. Various tools have been designed in a two-part form—a small device strapped onto the Numnum’s body (often around an ankle or near the base of their tail) which picks up on the Numnum’s thoughts and then remotely controls the other device, which can take the form of a shovel, a knife, a frying pan, or various other useful objects. The remotely-controlled tool will float about in the air and move however the Numnum controlling it wishes, though its speed and range are limited somewhat and both parts of the tool are powered by batteries which need to be replaced after every month or so of frequent use. Some Numnums have even come up with weaponry using this same principle, though Nummian weapons are generally mounted on the Numnum’s back (and thus have the control unit and the weapon combined into one device instead of using the two-part system) rather than being remotely controlled and hovering around them. Nummian blasters are large, back-mounted guns which fire bursts of destructive energy, while the Nummian lance is a back-mounted spear-like weapon which can be extended or retracted to various lengths depending on the situation. Most Numnums, however, prefer to rely on their natural strength and speed rather than weapons; if they make use of any form of weaponry at all, it will most commonly be metal claws affixed to their feet to increase the lethality of their kicks.

Numnum spacecraft are also a bit different from those used by other species, though in this case the primary difference is in the layout of the cockpit and its controls. Specialized chairs which allow a Numnum to sit in a position so that their feet can be used to operate the controls around them are often present, as the mental-control technology is seen as not reliable enough for something as complex as a spacecraft’s controls (and the possible side-effects of an emotionally-unstable Numnum being unable to maintain focus are far worse when they’re in charge of controlling an entire spaceship than they could ever be with a single basic tool.) In spacecraft with more diverse crews, these chairs and the surrounding controls are usually set up so that they can be adjusted or swapped out for versions more suitable for the body shapes of other species, in case the Numnum pilot is not present and one of their K’hyurbhi or Blurby shipmates is forced to take over in their place. Nummian spacecraft tend to be shaped much like the Numnums themselves, though with many of the details (such as the feather plumes and legs) trimmed out so as to not provide excess air resistance when entering or leaving atmosphere. They are generally small, with only enough room for the pilot and a crew of two or three at most, and are not intended for long-term travel—the typical Nummian spacecraft could be compared to a small car rather than a cruise ship or an airliner. Like all space-faring Nummorrian species, Nummian ships rely on Num Warp generators to travel long distances, opening a portal that will take them directly to their destination rather than bothering with weeks, months, or even years of straight-line travel. Num Monks serving on the ship’s crew are much appreciated in the case of situations where the ship’s built-in Num Warp generators fail, as those who have a high degree of control over their innate Num Power are sometimes able to open portals with it, allowing them to at least transfer the ship’s crew and cargo to a safe place even if they cannot generate a portal large enough for the ship itself to pass through.


Subspecies

Aside from the standard white Numnum that makes up the majority of the population, there are a variety of other Numnum species. These other types of Numnums are seen as equals by most of Numnum society, though many of them tend to keep to themselves. This is usually at least partially due to these subspecies being adapted to more specialized environments and thus being unable to visit Numnum population centers very often, if at all.

The Fire Nums are a subspecies native to Roastiso Island and also found in the K’hyurbhi Desert on the continent of Blurbonazz. They are sometimes known simply as “Red Nums” and are identifiable by their bright-red coloration and red-orange feather plume, which is smaller than that of a typical Numnum. Their most common name comes from the fact that they are able to “breathe fire,” though in reality they are only spitting up a highly volatile chemical compound which ignites upon contact with air. They prefer extremely hot climates and are adapted to survive well in such places, making them unwilling to travel very far away from the equatorial regions of Nummorro in all but the hottest months of the year. Almost all Fire Nums are nomadic, and they are notable for having a strong tradition of Num Power use; many of them learn how to draw out their innate Num Power at a young age and as a result they tend to be a bit stronger and faster than most ordinary Numnums. As their techniques are not as polished as those of the Num Monks, however, this Num Power awareness often causes them to be surrounded by an almost flame-like orange aura of power as an unconscious reaction whenever they are prepared for danger or a fight.

Aero Nums are a winged subspecies of Numnum which can be found in high mountainous regions and nearby valleys across much of Nummorro. They are lighter and less bulky than other Numnums and have smaller teeth and longer, thinner tails with small feathered plumes on the end in addition to their most notable feature—the large, feathery wings which allow them to fly. They are generally somewhat frailer than other Numnums and have less leg strength due to their dependence on flight rather than running for high-speed movement. Of all the Numnum species, the Aero Nums (thanks to the fact that their habitat is not limited to a certain area and they can freely move all across Nummorro without much trouble) are the most likely to be found intermingling with other Numnums in villages or among nomadic groups. They tend to dislike settling in one spot even more than most Numnums and as such are only briefly spotted in the Num Kingdom, if they ever visit that area at all.


Spike Nums, sometimes also known as “Needlenums” or “Green Nums,” are an unusual subspecies of Numnum that has developed venomous spines instead of the more typical feather plumes. These spines are in fact modified feathers and are made up of the same material, but are much denser and compacted rather than being “fluffy” like a typical feather. Spike Nums are immediately identifiable by their green coloration, with their entire bodies (aside from their scaly orange legs) being similar in color to the shiny green sometimes present in the feather plumes of standard Numnums. Spike Nums have also grown several small spines on their tails, which they can use as a weapon by turning rapidly and swinging them at anyone who threatens them. Spike Num venom is similar to the flammable goo spit up by the Fire Nums, though not as volatile; injection through spines causes a variety of symptoms, most notably a horrible rash on the surface of the skin, burning pain, and partial paralysis. The spines on their tail have a slightly different mixture of chemicals, being more likely to cause widespread paralysis but causing less actual damage to the body’s tissues in the process.

Digger Nums, also known as “Digging Nums” and sometimes even “Brown Nums,” are a burrowing Numnum subspecies that is rarely seen and thought to be rare in comparison to most types of Numnums. As their name suggests, they are adapted to be very good at digging, and they have much larger and heavier claws on their feet than other species. Their feather plumes are much smaller and thinner than those of most Numnums and are usually orange in color, though various shades of light brown and even some other more unusual colors are also possible. Digger Nums are occasionally sighted in caves in various parts of Nummorro, though the center of their population seems to be a mountain range in southern Blurbonazz, just north of the Blubberwukk K’hyurbhi tribe’s territory.

Waternums are an unusual Numnum species that has adapted to a fully aquatic lifestyle, having lost their legs entirely and grown a pair of flippers instead. Their tails have become longer and fluked on the end, and their bodies as a whole are longer and more streamlined than those of land Numnums. Like most aquatic species that do not possess gills, Waternums must surface for air every now and then but are very good at holding their breath for long periods of time compared to completely terrestrial species. Due to the differences in habitat between them, Waternums do not have much interaction with their walking cousins, and they may have a drastically different society and culture from other Numnums as a result.


Related Species

In addition to the Numnum subspecies listed above, several other Nummorrian creatures are related to the Numnums but are not quite close enough to be considered Numnums themselves. These species generally do not associate with Numnums, either simply because they are not social creatures or because they are less intelligent or so barbaric as to be incapable of functioning as a normal part of Numnum society.

Numbani are a small species of herbivorous Numnum relatives that are common in the forests of western and central Ummiboro. Unlike Numnums, they have four legs rather than only two, and their limbs are significantly shorter than those of a Numnum, allowing them to stay low to the ground in order to hide from predators in tall grasses and brush. They are only slightly less intelligent than Numnums, but have much shorter lifespans and do not seem to have any advanced culture or technology to speak of.

The centipede eaters are a family of several closely-related creatures that, as their name suggests, prey mostly upon Nummorrian centipedes. Like a Numbani, they have four limbs rather than two, though their limbs are quite long and possess large claws like those of a Numnum. Their bodies are more elongated than those of Numnums, with the head and mouth still being quite large but not taking up as much of the body in comparison. One species of centipede eater is roughly the size of an adult Numnum and can be found only in areas with abundant rutoo; this “rutoo-tossing centipede eater” is best known for its habit of digging up lumps of rutoo and throwing them at its prey in order to pin them down with the sticky substance. Other species are larger and hunt by leaping down onto their prey from tree branches, using the combination of their weight and sharp claws to both crush and slice through the hard outer shell of a centipede before eating it. Centipede eaters are on roughly the same level of intelligence as Numnums, but they are solitary creatures with no interest in becoming part of Numnum society or having much interaction with their two-legged cousins.

Yumyyums (pronounced “yuh-mee-yumz”) are a Numnum relative that has taken to living in trees, climbing and hanging from branches with their long prehensile tails rather than relying so much on their legs to get around. They have a thicker layer of red proto-feathers over their entire bodies and no feather plumes at all, unlike Numnums or even the other Numnum relatives. Yumyyums have smaller teeth than most Numnums but also possess a powerful beak at the front of their mouth, which they use to bite down hard on prey before using their other teeth to tear away flesh to eat. They are almost entirely carnivorous, only occasionally eating a bit of fruit to supplement their meat-based diet. Yumyyums are not as intelligent as Numnums (or even Numbani) and are generally seen as barbaric, a view which is not helped by the Yumyyums’ tendency toward unprovoked attacks on anyone who so much as sets foot in the Yumyyums’ territory. They have even been known to eat Numnums at times, though this does not disturb the Numnums nearly as much as the fact that they will occasionally eat others of their own kind as well, even in times when other food is abundant.

The Umns are only distantly related to the Numnums and are widely believed to be a remnant population of an ancient Numnum-like species which may have developed into the modern centipede eaters, or possibly branched off from them at some point in the distant past. Umns prefer swampy environments and are good swimmers, though they are not quite as aquatic as the Waternums. At a glance, they almost seem to be a bizarre cross between a Numnum and a large lizard or alligator, with green, scaly skin but a distinctly Numnum-like head shape and teeth. What appears to be a spiky ridge running along their back and tail at a glance or when seen from a distance is actually a ridge of proto-feathers like those possessed by other Numnum relatives, though those of the Umns are a bit more rigid than most and tend to stand up due to an unconscious reaction when they are surprised or angered. Like the Fire Nums and Spike Nums, the bodies of Umns create poison by extracting certain chemicals from their food; unlike those varieties of Numnums, Umns deliver their venom to prey and opponents through their bites. Umns tend to be less intelligent than Numnums and rank closer to the Yumyyums, though unlike the Yumyyums there have been examples of Umns peacefully interacting with Numnums and other Nummorrian species. It is said that the legendary Blurby explorer Bok even befriended a pair of Umns named Grun and Gruz, who accompanied him on his exploration of the planet Ihctogo.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Stuff I wrote when I was a kid -- Supernum Meets Commander Keen

This one is the first of these old stories to have a very clear timeline to it -- it definitely takes places after the end of The Search for the Red Num, as the story starts with a mention of the clay Killer Kirby that would serve as the "remote control" for the trap he was being held in after being sealed away by the Red Num's power previously.  Along with The Numnum Club (which seems to take place in the gap between the two stories, though this definitely wasn't intentional at the time I wrote it since it's the oldest of the three!), it sort of comes together as a sort of trilogy.  This is the third of the "Killer Kirby gets sealed away" trilogy, which of course involves...

One day at Eddie's house, Eddie was playing his favorite computer game, Commander Keen in Keen Dreams. He had gotten past Boobus Tuber's castle and was almost to Boobus's Chamber.
Suddenly, he heard something go "BUMP!" in the kitchen. So he paused his game and went to see what had happened. His sister Julia had dropped his clay Killer Kirby (also the remote control for Killer Kirby's trap) and was breaking it into a hundred pieces! "Oh Darn!" yelled Eddie. "Now I'll have to fight Killer Kirby again because you just broke the remote control for his trap!" Eddie ran back into the other room to play his game. But when he got there, his computer screen was almost blank other than these words:

"Ha Ha I'm Back!  Killer Kirby
            Greetings From Narnia!"

...Killer Kirby breaking free.  It also involves Eddie playing Commander Keen games, which was a pretty common thing for the real-life Eddie back in the years when these stories were written.  As the story's title suggests, Commander Keen is not only a video game character but a real person in this story, and Supernum will meet him at some point.

Also... Killer Kirby is in freaking Narnia.  Probably inspired by the fact that one of my teachers had us read (part of?) The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe during what I think was my 4th grade year if I'm remembering right, and back then I tended to randomly throw in references to things from the same time period (like Mario, Sonic, and an orca whale showing up in How Julia Saved Fat Free Willy... and Magic cards and wurms in the later revisions) without really even attempting to make them fit in that well.

Though, as it turns out, Narnia randomly showing up does have an explanation...

"Not only is Killer Kirby back, but he's messed up my game!" Eddie thought.  Killer Kirby had only left him one clue about where he was: somewhere in Narnia, a place he had only heard of in a book that Mrs. Noffsinger had read to his class in Aspire. But how would Killer Kirby get inside  one of the books Eddie had heard about in Aspire? Then Eddie thought back. "Big Beef got the Alligator Teacher  out of those dumb Alligator Teacher books. If HE could do it, anyone could!" he thought. But going inside a book was different. Killer Kirby could have gotten everything out of the book, but then where would he put it?

Yep, he literally yanked the continent(?) of Narnia out of the book and brought it into reality... somewhere.  Because going inside a book is apparently harder than pulling things out of it.

Also, here's the only mention in any of these stories of the events of the "Cowcocows" story-ideas I had bouncing around in my head during the early elementary school years -- humanoid cow-aliens came to Earth, pursued by walking-hunk-of-beef aliens known as the Beefoes and their worst enemy, the Alligator Teacher, who had destroyed their planet somehow.  Or, in later versions (such as the ones this story makes reference to), the leader of the Beefoes used a machine to bring her into reality from a book.  The book in question being Teacher from the Black Lagoon, in which a kid imagines his new teacher to be a magical fire-breathing humanoid gator-thing that very closely resembles the Alligator Teacher rather than a regular human teacher.

Narnia was bigger than any continent except Aisa, and almost as big as the continent of Blurbonazz. After looking at his Atlas of Parupoo, he saw a very big ocean slightly bigger than Narnia. It bordered the island where Killer Kirby's three main bad guy factories were on. He called Nummy and heard that something huge was forming in the middle of the ocean that he had seen in his atlas. But Killer Kirby was not anywhere near the thing that was forming. He wasn't even on Parupoo. He was attacking the cub scout camp Eddie had gone to just a year ago!

Yeah, "Asia" was misspelled as "Aisa" in this story.  That's not the only word I consistently misspelled back in these days (the Christmas-themed story I'll be posting later on consistently mentions "Santa Clause"), but it's the one that stands out as most annoying to me now.

This is also the first story that references the planet Nummorro and its continents (well, it mentions the continent of Blurbonazz, not Nummorro as a whole, but still) as well as another planet in the same solar system, Parupoo.  Parupoo was apparently mostly covered in water, enough so that a large continent could be plunked onto it without messing things up too much.  It also seems to be Killer Kirby's base of operations in some sense, a detail which isn't really touched on in my other stories which have him hang around exclusively in Killa Castle (on Nummorro, or sometimes oddly enough on Earth!) or just have him appear in some other location to attack.

 There were some other bad guys with him which were helping him destroy the tents, smash the buildings, and eat the food supplies. The toughest badguys from the group were Boobus Tuber, YummerPlet, Christy, SlamBosh, and Count Crappadoo. Boobus Tuber was turning all of the good food into slimy vegetables. YummerPlet was chowing down on tasty tents. Christy was forcing the janitors and snack machine maintenance people to stuff their heads down toilets and flush. SlamBosh was slam dunking the flagpole. And Count Crappadoo was turning people into Kirbys and Yucks. And boy scout camp was just next week!

And suddenly, a ton of new bad guys are introduced -- along with recurring enemy Christy, who is inexplicably alive now after having been squished into some sort of bizarro waffle-pizza hybrid in her previous appearance in The Numnum Club.  Slambosh and Yummerplet (who randomly have the last syllable of their names capitalized here) are round guys with big-eyelidded angry eyes and human-like arms and legs; Yummerplet's blue while Slambosh is golden-brownish, and both specialize in brute force as you can see from their descriptions above.  Count Crappaddoo (pronounced "kruh-PAH-doo," by the way, not "crap-a-doo") is a vaguely vampirey little green guy with glowing yellow eyes, pointy bat-ish ears, and a black cloak -- and apparently in this story can use some bizarre magic that turns humans into K'hyurbhis and yuckfood-based creatures. 

Finally, of course, is Boobus Tuber... who was just the villain of the Commander Keen game mentioned back at the start of the storyBetween his presence among Killer Kirby's minions and the way that the game got glitched up when Killer Kirby's message appeared, it kinda seems like I was going for the idea that Killer Kirby used the "bring fictional stuff to life" thing to drag both Boobus Tuber and Commander Keen out of the game... but that's never actually touched upon anywhere in the story.  Whoops.

 The badguys had to be stopped, but there were too many of them for Supernum to beat alone. Eddie turned into Supernum, used his Computer Nummer password scrambler to find out Eddie's dad's Compuserve password and go on the Internet. Then he connected to the private goodguys-only Num.net site on the Internet. He connected to all of the goodguys he had ever heard of and said: "I need help at  a cub scout camp in Virginia. The Killer Kirby trap rock is located near the camp."

Another reference that dates this story to the mid-'90s -- Eddie's dad uses Compuserve rather than AOL or... just having Internet through a phone or TV company.  This is also the first and only mention of one of many oddball gadgets used by Supernum in these old stories, the "Computer Nummer" which can crack any password.  And apparently there's some secret network of superheroes on the Internet which they use to coordinate battles against major bad guysBoth of these things are, of course, never mentioned in any other story ever again.

(Also, those are some pretty terrible directions.  "A Cub Scout camp in Virginia" could literally be dozens of different places.  I guess the rest of the good guys know exactly where Killer Kirby is trapped since he's such a big threat, because the rest of the "where" in that description really doesn't help much. XD

 Then he sent it and warped to cub scout camp. He started to fight Christy, hitting her with several Num Punches. Then the other goodguys started to come. The goodguys were The Big Bad Beetleborgs, Pototo and Potato, Bad Ribbit, Tootamatic Turtle, Commander Keen, Spiderman, Batman, Super Puss, Mr. Peanut, Roastado, Luke Skywalker, Auric, and Mr. Flicks.

Though this story will always be remembered as "the one where I shoved in a gazillion random cameo appearances for no good reason," the lineup of good guys here is actually fairly well balanced between original characters and cameos from TV shows, games, movies, and... peanut advertising campaigns.  Yes, freaking Mr. Peanut was one of those who answered the call -- I'm not sure how exactly he fights aside from clobbering things with his cane, but he showed up while many others apparently didn't, so that's got to count for something.

Pototo and Potato were characters I made up in my first year of school -- potatoes with arms and legs and faces who lived on another planet (unnamed at first but would probably have been known as "Potato Land" or something if I had given it a name; later called Tuberupoo and more recently Tuberoo) and fought against the evil Potato Chipper.   Pototo apparently hates Numnums according to The Search for the Red Num, but since no actual Numnums are present here (Supernum doesn't count, despite apparently counting in that story) he's perfectly capable of working with the rest of the good guys here.  This story was also the first appearance of Tootamatic Turtle (a big turtle with a frog-like tongue who flies by farting) and the re-appearance of Roastado, who showed up for the first time in the later revisions of How Julia Saved Fat Free Willy.  There's also "Super Puss" (a Supernum-esque powered up form of one of the cats my family had at the time) and two that I can't remember much of anything about, "Bad Ribbit" (a frog, presumably?) and "Mr. Flicks" (who apparently has huge hands and fights by flicking people with them.)

And on the "random cameo appearances" side, you've got someone who should not even be anywhere near Earth (Luke Skywalker, from "a galaxy far far away"), some famous superheroes, some fictional characters come to life (Commander Keen if the "game glitched up because Killer Kirby brought Keen into the real world" idea was actually what I had in mind... and the Beetleborgs; yes, there actually is another story where  their un-fictionalization is specifically mentioned), and the random tiki-head-warrior-guy Auric from Power Rangers Zeo.  And of course, Mr. Freaking Peanut. XD

This is also the first of my stories to have named Num Power attacks in addition to the various gadgets, with Num Punches showing up here and the more powerful Numnum Smash making an appearance later on.  Speaking of which, Christy has apparently gotten a lot tougher since her last appearance, because she definitely didn't come across as somebody who could fight hand-to-hand with Supernum before!
 
 Super Puss scratched Christy, knocking her away from Supernum.  Auric got his sword and smacked SlamBosh right on the face. Pototo and Potato surrounded YummerPlet and tossed him over to Mr. Flicks, who flicked him into a tree. Boobus Tuber sent a Tater Trooper out to attack Luke Skywalker. The Tater Trooper charged into him, hitting him back into one of the torn-up tents. Luke remembered only to use the Lightsaber when he was in danger, and having Boobus Tuber charging toward him with his super sharp french fry sword was definetly being in danger. He powered it up and sliced Boobus's sword into several pieces. Boobus was now without a weapon, so he jumped up and was falling toward Luke, ready to squish him flat. But Luke got the Lightsaber out again and cut Boobus into potato chips. One bad guy down!

Boobus Tuber is the first of the bad guys to be defeated -- and not by his own enemy Commander Keen, but by Luke Skywalker who has discovered a way to make freakishly huge potato chips.  Also, apparently Boobus Tuber uses a super sharp french fry sword.  I'm not sure if that was actually in the Commander Keen game or if it was something I came up with for this story.

 Next Supernum decided to give Christy a dose of her own medicine and slammed her head into the nearest toilet. Several big "FLUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!!!" sounds later, Christy had no eyeballs and she was totally bald. Two down! Count Crappadoo tried one of his best attacks, the Super Roast, and hit Super Puss on the stomach. Supernum took Super Puss to the doctor and got her signed up for stitches.  Roastado was mad at Count Crappadoo for hurting Super Puss, so he threw three roaster balls in Count Crappadoo's direction. Seconds later, Count Crappadoo had a new nickname: Roastado Fried Chicken. Three down!

The way Christy gets killed here is one of those things that I actually feel really uncomfortable about now.  It's just an unnecessarily gross and kinda disturbing way for someone to get killed, and if I wrote these stories or something similar today it definitely would not happen that way.  I mean seriously... flushing someone in a toilet until their hair gets yanked out and their eyeballs get flushed out of their sockets?  Yick.

On a less disgusting note, Supernum is quick enough to get an injured superpowered cat to the vet and get back in time for the fight to still be ongoing.  He's capable of opening Num Warps to get to other places instantly, of course, but this story doesn't feel the need to mention that for some reason -- apparently I just assumed everyone would know, or something.  Also, strangely enough the Super Roast apparently wasn't Roastado's technique originally, but Count Crappaddoo's!  Every other thing I've come up with featuring Roastado gave him that attack but in its first appearance, it wasn't used by him at all.  Whoops.

 SlamBosh and YummerPlet decided to team up and smash Roastado. YummerPlet threw SlamBosh at Roastado and knocked Roastado's armor off. Now he had almost no protection from the approaching bad guys. Supernum decided to take Roastado's place and attack SlamBosh. While Supernum fought SlamBosh, YummerPlet was sneaking over to attack Batman. Before Batman could notice, two of YummerPlet's PletPlet Bombs were right behind him!  Batman dodged the first PletPlet Bomb as it exploded. When the second PletPlet Bomb was about to hit Batman, who was dodging YummerPlet's attacks, Spiderman caught the Bomb and pulled it away with his webbing.

Seems like these guys are a good bit tougher than Foofoo and Coocoo from back in How Julia Saved Fat Free Willy -- Roastado scared the crap out of them, while here he's quickly overwhelmed when the round twins decide to team up on him.  And yeah, Supernum is already back from dropping Super Puss (...or I guess just regular Puss, since I don't think he'd have her still be transformed when taking her to a regular ol' human vet?) off at the vet.

Also, despite having no superhuman powers, Batman is capable of dodging one (but not two) Plet-Plet Bombs.  Good thing Spider-Man was around to catch that second one, though, because I don't think ol' Bats would've handled that kind of blast too well...

 Tootamatic hit YummerPlet with his tooting tongue, knocking him into SlamBosh. YummerPlet hit SlamBosh so hard that it killed SlamBosh. Four down and two to go! Commander Keen and Pototo attacked YummerPlet. Commander Keen got out his laser gun and zapped YummerPlet. Pototo used his Pototo Spin to attack YummerPlet. Potato and the Big Bad Beetleborgs killed YummerPlet with their weapons and laser guns. Five down! But where was Killer Kirby? He was the only bad guy left and no one knew where he was! Nummy checked the map of Parupoo and saw a huge island exactly like Narnia! But Killer Kirby wasn't there.

Apparently Slambosh is the weaker of the two round guys -- Tootamatic's tongue attack hits Yummerplet with enough force that the impact into Slambosh afterward kills Slambosh, while Yummerplet not only survives that but also a laser blast and a Pototo Spin before finally being ganged up on by Potato and all three Beetleborgs at once.

And yep, the big group fight is over... and there's not a single mention of Mr. Peanut's role in all this.  Was he "off-screen" fighting off one or more of these guys and just not mentioned, or was he just shaking in his shell somewhere, unable to even lift his old-timey pimp cane in their direction from the fear of getting cracked?

Also, note the whole "Killer Kirby wasn't there" bit here.  That turns out to be one of those contradictory bits of these stories later on...

  Mr. Peanut searched for Killer Kirby while Supernum and Commander Keen explored the island. The first thing Supernum saw was lots of snow. Then he saw a castle on the horizon. A huge lion jumped out at Supernum and almost hit him with its claws! "That must be Azlan the Lion!" thought Supernum. Commander Keen came over to Azlan and zapped him with his laser gun, but Azlan didn't move. Supernum hit Azlan with a Numnum Smash, knocking him backwards into a snow covered tree. Then Commander Keen tossed a Boobus Bomb over to where Azlan was. After a huge "KA-BOOM!!!" sound, pieces of Azlan covered the snow around the tree. "That was easier than I thought it would be" said Commander Keen.

...and that's what Mr. Peanut did.  He looked for Killer Kirby.  Apparently that was Mr. Peanut's only contribution... staying behind to look for Killer Kirby.  What he'd do when or if he found Killer Kirby is anyone's guess, but "get eaten" seems highly likely unless Killer Kirby has a secret peanut allergy never mentioned in any other story.  Also, it seems that everyone besides the peanut and Commander Keen randomly vanishes at this point -- apparently those two are more devoted to the whole "stop Killer Kirby" thing than the others, who just came along for the big fight.

 Also, this is the start of the "Supernum and Commander Keen kill every living thing in Narnia" part of the story.  Yes, they just slammed the Jesus-lion into a tree and blew him up.  I'm not sure why Aslan was randomly jumping out to attack Supernum in the first place, but apparently since Killer Kirby brought Narnia into reality, everything in the snowy place is allied with him by default... or something.

 Supernum and Commander Keen went on closer to the castle. After fighting a few very weak wolves, they were at the castle. As they went into the castle, several laser blasts shot at Supernum and Commander Keen. One of them hit Commander Keen and turned him into a statue!!!! "COMMANDER KEEN!!!!!" yelled Supernum. "ARRRRRRG!!!" Supernum yelled again. Supernum took Keen's Boobus Bombs and went on into the castle. After a while, Supernum saw who shot the lasers. It was a witch. She shot another laser right at Supernum, but it missed him. Supernum used a Numnum Smash and knocked the witch into a statue of a deer. The statue cracked and turned into a pile of sand.

Along with the planned "Super Big Num (basically a giant robot Numnum) gets destroyed" element of a story I never finished, this bit is probably the closest to one of the good guys dying in any of these old stories.  Also an example of an odd thing in these stories -- I for some reason didn't like to describe anything as "magic," so instead of casting spells to turn someone to stone, a witch shoots lasers from her wand that turn people to stone.  Also, when I said "Supernum and Commander Keen kill every living thing in Narnia" I wasn't exaggerating -- first Aslan, then the wolves, then poor old Mr. Tumnus (in statue form) and soon the White Witch, whose whiteness and... having-a-name-ness... is never acknowledged in this particular story for some reason.

 The witch noticed that her magic wand was broken. She was totally defenseless! Supernum tossed one of the Boobus Bombs at the witch. Just like when Azlan was beaten, the Bomb exploded and turned the witch into a useless pile of blubber and skin. Commander Keen turned back into Commander Keen and came to where Supernum was.

I'm somewhat puzzled as to why the Numnum Smash only seems to send enemies flying backward on impact in this story, while Boobus Bombs blow things up.  Boobus Tuber didn't seem to be that powerful during his previous appearance, and it takes multiple Boobus Bombs to finish him off... so why is it that Supernum's strongest attack randomly seems weaker than them now?

And apparently when the White Witch is blown up, she'd leave behind a pile of "blubber and skin."  I guess I figured that a witch that likes eternal winter would be fat for the extra built-in insulation all that blubber would provide, or something. XD 

Also, if you were expecting Killer Kirby to make an appearance and possibly even get a legitimate fight scene for the first time ever, prepare for the biggest disappointment.  I had probably planned on something along those lines originally, but this story was never finished in the time I originally started writing it...

 Then they left the island. After they left the island, it started to disappear. After a few minutes, the island was gone. They trapped Killer Kirby and closed his trap. "We won't have to worry about those bad guys any more" said Commander Keen. "Yeah. They're dead meat now." said Supernum.

 ...instead, I went back later (possibly months or even years later) and slapped a lazy ending after the last part I actually had finished.  Looking back now, it seems like "Killer Kirby isn't on Narnia" actually wasn't an inconsistency like I thought... but it's still never said where Killer Kirby actually was, or how they managed to trap him, or anything.  Mr. Peanut is apparently absent at this point, so I guess maybe he laced himself with super-concentrated sleeping pills and had Killer Kirby eat him so that when Supernum and Commander Keen found him they could trap him without a fight.

If I wrote this story now, I'd definitely try to actually wrap up the story rather than jumping to a quick and lazy ending... and I wouldn't have Killer Kirby get sealed away again, because it's obvious that he just breaks free again later (there are other Supernum stories that almost have to take place after this one -- one that mentions the Super Big Num being destroyed in the past, an even that took place while Killer Kirby was sealed, has Killer Kirby as the main villain behind everything.)  Instead, I'd have Supernum fight Killer Kirby, but before there can be any conclusion, Killer Kirby takes a shot at Commander Keen or the bringing-fictional-things-to-life machine, forcing Supernum to jump in the way to deflect the attack.  With Supernum caught off guard, Killer Kirby would escape, and the story would end with Supernum saying goodbye to Commander Keen, sending him (and the potato chips that were once Boobus Tuber) back into the game where they belong, since Keen doesn't really have a place in the real world due to his family, friends, the alien worlds he visits, etc. all not existing outside the games.

...well, except for the Dopefish.

Dopefish definitely exist.