Last time, I finished Enduo's segment of the game's second half, and ended up with a little preview of the start of Robert's. Robert's is probably the longest of the solo segments, covering multiple (small) countries and several boss battles (both optional and required) and tons of goofy NPC dialogue along the way, so it'll probably end up taking two posts to fit it all in.
Anyway...
...just like real-life Ireland, Uggy Barfoo's version has been having some issues with fighting between two different religious groups for a while. Rather than Protestants vs. Catholics, it's two different groups who seem to be entirely separate from the Christian-ish religious people who appeared occasionally throughout the first half of the game. Like the Protestant/Catholic situation, though, they're both branches of the same religion.
For some odd reason there's a lot of references to Boy Scouts in this area. The comment about having "bigger dumbasses" throw your stuff down latrines refers to something that actually happened when I was still in Boy Scouts -- one of the worst people I've ever met (definitely a big dumbass, that's for sure) stole one of my notebooks and chucked it down a latrine.
"Bigger dumbasses" in this case refers not to physical bigness but to degree of dumbassitude, of course. XD
Yep, you can read the library books here. There's several history-related ones and several jokey ones mixed in here and there.
Turns out there's actually a reason why the war suddenly broke out, and we'll find out about it in the upcoming areas. It's not just a
normal religious disagreement or anything along those lines, which should be no surprise considering how this game works.
There's also, for some odd reason, a book about Obuyo Kusomuyo (who you may have seen mentioned several times in earlier parts of the game -- Obuyo Rock in Nifclont made an appearance as recently as part 13, if I'm remembering right.)
And there's a guide on speaking l33t, too. Apparently even a
retarded monkey can speak l33t, according to this book. XD
This is one of the jokey books. Next textbox after it says "The rest of this book appears to be blank." Same goes for the "Boy Scout belts" book on the next shelf over.
This one is not blank, but it
is unreadable due to having all of its pages "stuck together with something brown." And that's probably not refried beans. Ewwww...
A book about dinosaurs, which features a description of the dreaded Barneysaurus Sux.
This one is pretty self-explanatory.
This is going to be important a little later on, of course. Like most of the "I heard someone saw some weird thing around here" NPC statements in this game. XD
Apparently whichever religion came knocking on this old lady's door got violent after this, but her son pulled out a shotgun and busted a cap in their asses before anything could happen.
It's Ireland, sort of, so of course there's going to be an Irish pub.
Apparently one of the two fighting religious groups has sent a priest to buy guns... but he's broke. Whoops!
This guy is talking about the Kartol church, and there's yet another mention of the "weird-looking little guy on a huge horse" that another NPC was talking about. Shouldn't be too hard to guess the source of the weirdness/fighting in this area at this point, I figure. XD
And yep, you can encounter priests from both of the two clashing religions as random encounters. They're... not too impressive. A single Yuckfood Wave from Foodfighter Robert wipes them all out.
World map again! Yep, this is definitely far from anywhere Robert is used to. Also, giant stick-figure visible from overhead.
And apparently one of the robots from the airship got launched out when it broke apart, ending up in the Rist church where he's been hanging out the past three years. He's gotten bored, though, and decides to come with Robert for a while.
Fredd, being a robot, can't level up from experience -- instead he's locked at level 50 permanently, though his equipment and stats are good enough that he's definitely going to keep up pretty well with Robert despite the level gap.
The people in this church are pretty generic and boring. This one's kinda funny though.
Apparently the priests here can heal you -- the one on the left offers to revive KO'ed characters for 25 konju, while this one will remove curses.
Remember the stick-figure on the world map? That's apparently relevant to the two religions in the area, and if you go to the "eye" sand-patch you end up at a tiny little cave...
...which has a puzzle-y thing where you have to follow the directions of the pointing stick-figures (formed from shallow water on the floor) to find the right path through it. Pick the wrong one and you're teleported back. After a few simple ones (with the full-size stick figures) you get some more complicated ones, and I had to try several times to get through, but eventually...
...I made it to
this room, where an old wizard dude is hanging out in front of a red treasure chest.
And it turns out that this guy is Veylias Karptic, the wizard who overthrew the Gehhkeh (weird fish-monsters that now live only in the swamp on the northeast corner of the island) who previously ruled over Naldrie. Apparently he's
still alive despite this happening centuries ago, and he's been hanging out in this cave all this time. I guess it's a "strange cave" because it stops you from aging, or something.
It seems like the story of Karptic overthrowing the Gehhkeh is sorta-kinda derived from the story of St. Patrick driving out the snakes, the exceptions being that Gehhkeh are clearly fishy rather than snakey (and that there weren't any snakes in Ireland to begin with, so driving them out would be really easy. XD) "Karptic" is even an anagram of "Patrick." Oddly enough, though, he seems to have no connection with
either of the religious groups, or any religious group mentioned in the game.
Anyway, he offers you the treasure behind him if you can defeat him in battle. I don't think I've ever managed to beat him before, but it turns out that if you spam Fredd's barrier it's not all that hard at all -- he relies mostly on summon magic, which reflects off of the barrier just like regular magic, meaning that he'll end up hurting himself non-stop as long as you have a barrier up.
Yep. "Put up barriers = you won!" seems to be a recurring pattern for the second half of the game, between the Goatsu battle and this one.
Yep... inside that chest was
another Orb, of all things. I don't think it's possible to actually find the character who matches this orb in the parts of the game I finished, however -- she was planned to be a
cat, specifically one with psychic powers named Sarah. In other stories, she was Bob Boredington's pet, but I can't remember if that was going to be the case in
Uggy Barfoo or not.
The swamp in the northeast is its own "wilderness-area dungeon" map, and here's another "absolutely nothing" chest.
Everyone in the Kartol church talks like they're being mind-controlled. Because... well, they
are being mind-controlled, as you'll see in a bit.
BUHT McPHARTEN. Their leader's name is
BUHT McPHARTEN. Butt McFartin'. What a name. XD
Ewwww, there's dead people laying around everywhere...
And here's Buht McPharten, also known as that weird little guy riding on a huge horse that several NPCs mentioned having seen around here and there.
On the world map he looks like a piggy-orc riding a big blue horse. His face graphic is a purple goblin-ish thing. And his in-battle sprite is bearded and armored. Buht McPharten is
really inconsistent, it seems. XD
This, of course, leads to a fight.
Unfortunately, the first time I fought Buht McPharten, Robert started out the battle with only 5 HP (thanks to an unlucky run-in with a Dark Zo earlier) so I wasn't able to actually win, though I did at least knock out the two random priests that join him at the start of the battle.
Second time around, things went much better. Also, notice that Fredd's nose sticks out Pinocchio-style whenever he wins a fight. I have no idea why, but apparently these robots are built with extend-noses.
And with that loud obnoxious noise, Buht McPharten is no more...
...and immediately, everyone breaks out of his mind-control and starts wandering around rather than being rooted to their pews like they were before.
It's a bit odd that this nun is freaking out about the Gehhkeh
now even though the whole Gehhkeh war thing happened centuries ago and the church has been there all that time (even before Buht McPharten got involved.)
This nun apparently remembers McPharten's name, unlike several others in the church. She must've joined willingly and only later got brainwashed, or something like that.
And after you've beaten Buht McPharten, returning back to the town will make this guy appear outside the library, offering to give you a boat ride to the next island country that Robert will visit...
...which is apparently named
Prisseh. Like "prissy" said with a goofy accent. Whut??
And here's Robert arriving, and the boat sailing back off toward Naldrie again. There's several towns (and castles) on this island, so lots of NPC goofiness upcoming.
First on the list is Whale, which of course is spoofing Wales (the name should make that pretty obvious, I would think.) I don't know much about Wales, and I knew even less when I made this game, so it's a pretty generic area with the only defining feature being "it's named Whale." Apparently it's considered to be a super boring place by everyone, including the legendary King Ratpoo.
Who apparently co-founded the Booger Fighter school with Mr. Bugar, making Mr. Bugar
centuries old.
Some of the knights aren't too bright. Also, apparently there were "Knights of the Hexagonal Table" rather than the Round Table.
Booger Fighters and robots are apparently counted as tourists.
Apparently Whale was named after... a whale. It doesn't just coincidentally sound a lot like "whale" the way Wales does. XD
This girl doesn't know her marine critters very well, apparently.
And here's a guy in the inn practicing his (fake) German...
One of the random encounters on the world map around these parts. Of course, this being the British area of the game, there will be references to well-known "this exists in Britain!" things like Stonehenge.
"Tarkle McTa" is a pretty funny-sounding name. This may not be the last time you hear that name, either.
All the talk about dragons and knights killing them over in Whale is pretty unrelated to the plot, but
this supposed dragon sighting actually is plot-relevant, as you'll see in... probably the next post in this series since this one is running pretty long already.
There was a city that got nuked by Obesius' meteors over here, too -- it wasn't just Wafterville, Alfrido, and Hohhohhoh (Canadian version) that ended up that way.
There's two or three weapon shops around town, for some odd reason. Apparently it's because there were lots of wars in the past. Also, this town is apparently called "Wakford."
Not one but
two libraries already, just in Robert's portion of the game alone.
Considering that that's the Teletubby who was randomly accused of being gay (due to... being purple and having a purse, apparently?), I suspect this guy hasn't actually read the book before commenting on it. XD
Several other books lead to the same reaction, but it's most appropriate for this one. Barney or Spongebob
alone is bad enough, but both of them in one book!? Yikes.
This one is, of course, another one of those "the rest of this book appears to be blank" jokey ones.
This book, on the other hand, has descriptions of several legendary weapons that I had planned on putting in the game at some point. Three guesses who was going to end up able to wield the
Excalibooger, and the first two don't count.
There was also a plan for the Numnum Sword to make an appearance, as Enduo's ultimate weapon of course.
Apparently this guy saw the airship crash over to the east somewhere three years ago after Obesius blasted it.
Apparently Zos do not enjoy being poked, which is something I have in common with the little blobs.
In addition to the couple of (currently occupied) castles that you can't get to, there's also this one which is obviously abandoned. And randomly super foggy, for some reason.
Here's another goofy enemy that can be found around here. Basically just the Irish/Scottish equivalent of the "Uber Og" that showed up down around Arrrghltan occasionally.
Upon taking the Kirbium Sword contained in this chest, you're suddenly ambushed by none other than... Tarkle McTa.
Actually no, Tarkle McTa gonna die. He's not that much of a threat if you put up a barrier, and honestly he seems like he wouldn't have been that tough even
without barriers -- the only thing he does that seems all that dangerous is occasionally casting Super Roast.
There's two statues of that guy right inside the doorway here, too.
...and one of another knight whose name I haven't heard anywhere else in this game up to this point, "Sir Stupid the Moronic."
And finally there's a statue of King Ratpoo himself, who gives you a hint to a puzzle-ish thing that I couldn't figure out. Probably because I got tired of fighting the random encounters in here so I didn't spend much time trying. XD
A little further north, on the edge of a huge lake, is a foggy town called "Schnosle." The lake is apparently "Lake Nose," which seems to be the Loch Ness equivalent... so I guess Schnosle must be someplace Scottish-ish.
Yep... Lake Nose. There's even sightings of a weird creature in it. You can't actually sail out to the island in the middle of it at this point in the game, though, and the point in the game when you
can do that never got made, so I don't remember what it was going to turn out to be.
The "weird metal things" this guy offers are spare parts for robots, as it turns out, which is handy since Fredd can't be healed with food items. Speaking of food items, there's a weird shortage of them in this part of the game, meaning it's actually easier to heal Fredd than it is Robert!
More people talking about Lake Nose. Also a Barfoo symbol in the grass here, and a demonstration of how the fog gets thicker as you approach the lake.
Apparently
two cities got meteor'ed on this island, going by the road being abruptly cut off by a crater up here.
There's a dark, foggy cave crossing the mountains between the Schnosle area and
even further north, which is mostly uneventful but is full of Yikkiths and Ikkers for some odd reason.
And now, we've reached the north-est part of the game's Scotland equivalent, which has a castle but no town, unlike the previous castles. Also unlike the previous castles, you can actually go inside it.
Even more unlike the previous castles, it seems to have been conquered by a squadron of Yenrab!
Next time: Robert's adventures spread to continental Europe, and I'll probably finish up Robert's segment and show what little of Joguo's got done before I abandoned the game altogether. Part 15 is probably going to be the end, so I may end up taking some editor screenshots showing areas on the world map that never became reachable or mentioning random other things that never found their way into the playable parts of the game.
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