Not sure who this guy is, but apparently he's helping Vexen, Dr. McDonuts, and that one Mr. Uranus in making the Phase Distorter.
Apparently the plural of "Mr. Uranus" is "Mr. Urani," at least according to Dr. McDonuts. XD
...because he's obsessed with avocados? XD
Apparently the working prototype of the machine was stolen by Nebozu. We'll be seeing the prototype (wrecked) later on.
And... apparently the rare and mysterious material not normally found on Earth is called... "Shit." I guess there's a difference between that and regular ol' Poop, Turds, Crap, Dookie, etc. according to this game? XD
Some new items available in the Mr. Uranus shops. Well, only one of them is
new, but this is the first time any of them has been buyable.
And the description of an item I had in my stash but hadn't checked before. Apparently Darkness-in-a-Can is a common enough thing that people have a reference point on what "any other can of darkness" would be like. XD
If you talk to this Mr. Uranus after staying in his hotel for the night, he randomly blurts this out. I'm not sure why. Who is Alberto anyway??
And now onward to Clifton Forge, to find the meteorite from waaay back at the start of the game (because apparently it has a piece of Shit in it.)
...uh-oh. Clifton Forge is looking a little dark and spooky these days. You can't get into the houses or stores, as they're all locked up and barricaded.
Oh, and Dubya's minions are roaming around on the hill area leading up to the meteorite. That's probably why everyone locked themselves in their houses, yeah.
Ouch! Just like the Secret Service Boss back at Stonehenge, these guys use the "DARKNESS!" attack against you. Then they have to spend a few turns powering up before they launch an
even stronger version at you. Fortunately, putting up reflective shields before they can attack is possible, so you can trick them into killing themselves pretty easily.
Smoop-flavored Yogurt. Okay. The Mr. Uranuses originally only sold you "Ghetto Jell-O," but they came up with a new recipe later in the game.
And here's a recolor of the most obnoxious boss in the game! Thankfully not as annoying to fight at this point as the original Leet Neenjah was, though they're pretty similar overall.
And here's another new enemy, completely-new this time rather than recolored. These go all the way back to 3rd or 4th grade, and they're planned to make a reappearance in
The K'hyurbhi Lands if I ever actually end up doing anything more with that game.
And Bridget has learned her strongest attacks at this point -- in addition to Zzzter Sigma from before, she now has Roasty Omega as well.
And here's the description of the "meteorite piece" which contains the rare element known as "Shit."
Apparently "Shit" is a very rare type of poop around these parts.
Oh, and since I'm right at the end of the game now... time to go back to the desert and see if I can beat the Yogurt Snail now! It's one of two optional super-boss type enemies in the game, and drops an item you can't get anywhere else (along with a buttload of experience points, of course) if you
do manage to beat it.
The Wizdum Man himself no longer has any nuggets of wizdum to offer? Whoa.
As usual, the Yogurt Snail is insanely tough. However, I can actually do damage to it with regular attacks now... and I have enough HP (and strong enough healing/shields) to survive its attacks.
And... I actually freaking beat this thing!
It does have one last attack right as you knock its HP down to 0 which seems to be able to instantly kill whoever it affects, which is pretty nasty -- Eddie got dropped to 0 HP this way, while Spooj was knocked out beforehand. Fortunately, Bridget and Xnort both survived the battle.
And here's the item and absurd amount of experience points I mentioned. If there had been only one survivor, they would have ended up with
one million experience points!
The Yogurt Shell is equippable, but oddly enough doesn't boost your defense all that much. It does, however, boost your Luck stat by 99 and seems to provide at least some resistances, too. And it can be used in-battle to confuse enemies.
And now, back to the usual end-of-the-game stuff... traveling to a previously-inaccessible cave in the underground dinosaur area...
Where Mr. Darkness shows up and teaches Xnort the ultimate darkness-based attack before vanishing off again.
GORGONZOLA!
Yes you is, Mr. Uranus. You all is the mofo too.
Souls and robots: not gooey. Human bodies: gooey. A basic science lesson for you today from Dr. McDonuts.
And now we're all robots. A robot with glasses and a weird red crystal doohickey, in Eddie's case, replacing the Ness hat that the lead robot originally had. Because Eddie does not wear hats (...except at work for Papa John's... but even then it's one of the visor-type things and not a full-head-covering hat. Because those suck!)
Some new (recolored) enemies around. The Bionic Barney, of course, replaced the Bionic Kraken from the original game... well, sort of. It replaced a different enemy but the name's inspiration was from the Bionic Kraken. The other one is the Nuclear Reactor Robot, which has the same name as the original (just looks a bit different.)
And here's another new one, a recolor of the Googoo Eyes. Like the Googoo Eyes, it is unfortunately kind of wimpy in this game, even though it wasn't intended to be... at this late point in the game it's hard to make random enemies actually a threat without cranking them up to "boss" levels or making them spam super-powerful attacks.
I'm... not entirely sure why it's called a "K'hyurbhi Boulder" anymore, but I do remember that the name originally came up in a list of monsters in a huge notebook full of RPG stat blocks that I drew/wrote in 4th grade (it was a gray Googoo Eyes recolor back then, and I'm pretty sure it only ended up green here because I'd used up all the color palettes for enemies and there was no way to make the Googoo Eyes sprite turn gray without fiddling with other enemies' colors.) Of course, since the name "K'hyurbhi" wasn't thought up until 2003, they were called "
Kirby Boulders" in the notebook they originally came from.
Finally! And I actually have enough PP to use it without running out after just a few uses, too.
And here's another recolor enemy, this time a recolor of a
boss (like the Oober Leet Neenjah) rather than of another random enemy.
There was one rare enemy I didn't run into on this playthrough (unfortunately, as it's one that still cracks me up a bit): the "Sign of the Apocalypse," a street sign recolored to be black with glowing red numbers and outlines. XD
And after walking across the weird network of metal tubes that don't seem quite right perspective-wise, the robots reach Dubya, who is contained in the "Moron's Machine" so that he appears as a giant Dubya head on a weird metal(?) orb. Oh, and Adam's here with his crab/spider-robot-thing.
And there's the whole "President of Evil" thing that Furt Furt referred to waaaay back at the beginning of the game.
Adam's looking a little... green? blue? Blue-green... through his robot's windshield.
Pooooot.
Yep, apparently Dubya no longer looks like his usual self at this point (shown in the form of the giant head on the front of the machine.) Adam turns off the machine, and...
And then Dubya goes into "swirly red demon-face background" mode, and Adam runs off of course.
Some of the Giygas dialogue during the battle has been fiddled with to be more Dubya-appropriate, such as the random echoes of "...tax cuts..." in the middle of a fight. There's more to come later.
At a certain point in the fight (when Dubya's swirly demon face is close up like in the last screenshot) the only way to get any further is to use Bridget's "Pray" command. Instead of doing weird random stuff like it usually does, it triggers scenes of other characters praying to send power to the four fighting Dubya. This is all pretty much exactly like in
Earthbound.
Except with the messages changed around, of course.
And now he's saying "vote for me" while stretching his words out bizarrely (while his swirly-demon-face form loops over multiple times in the background...)
Apparently it takes the power of gangsta rap to start actually
hurting Dubya with prayers. The walking butts only made his defenses go all funky.
And more incoherent Dubya babble. Presumably oil wouldn't be of much use to a guy who has an army of robots and weird machines powered by nuclear energy and who-knows-what-else, but... it's still Dubya, so...
Two Kat clones on screen at once here in Darkness Land. Weird.
And apparently destroying the Cellphone Megazord also "broke Sarah's cellphone addiction," which she seems to appreciate now. XD
"Strategery." Yep, one of the famous "Bushisms" has made its way into the game (and not just on the Wizdum Man's sign from way back that mentioned that "Bush says 'strategry,' but the Wizdum Man says 'fish kitties.'" XD)
And now he's calling for help from Cheney, it seems. Dick Cheney himself does not appear in this game, though Robotic Cheney Clones do.
And now the very end, where the screen fades to black and mentions that
the person playing the game is praying to fight Dubya, too. This causes buttloads of damage.
And more buttloads.
And even bigger buttloads.
And
over one thousand buttloads of damage right here.
Adam pops back in, pretty much admitting that he's going to run away in his robot now that they actually managed to beat Dubya.
And Dubya turns into incoherent static...
...and then "blips" out like an old-timey TV being turned off.
Everyone's souls make it back to their bodies without any trouble. Now there's some old beat-up robots lying in a cave somewhere, though.
And Xnort and Spooj leave, with Xnort specifically returning to Darkness Land.
...but before that, he does some weird technique that causes boxes (containing letters from various characters) to rain down from the sky.
And then Spooj leaves, saying that he's going to stay in Uranus Valley and work on stuff with Dr. McDonuts.
This one got cut off a bit -- in full, it says "if non-humans ever get equal rights, maybe I'll be the one that fixes your broken refrigerators and junk." I spelled "refrigerator" wrong (sticking a D in there) a lot back then. Actually didn't really know that was a misspelling until a couple years ago... XD
Yes and No are swapped around here, to reflect that "no" is the correct answer to this question. She doesn't
want to go back to the Nuthouse, remember?
Letter from Eddie's mom. She forgets what Dubya's name is, calling him "Bubbah" instead. XD
And... a letter from Saix, who's still staying at the Nuthouse... which is a little bit disturbing. XD Apparently him and Bridget were doing... things... before she broke out.
And here's Spooj's letter from Tony, where he is suddenly confused that an alien wears a tuxedo, and misses seeing Spooj's big gray head. XD
And then he randomly ends his letter with the nonsensical statement "I said it's ghetto!"
Dr. McDonuts wishes he had turned himself into a robot. Well, at least he's not Dr. Gero... though that does give me an idea for who I could've changed him into if I wanted to spoof up the game even more. XD
Vexen comments on how unlikely it was that someone would stop Dubya.
The World's Only Intelligent Pikachu has a few random lines here too.
What happens next is where there's a bit of a drastic departure from "normal"
Earthbound. Normally Ness is supposed to take Paula home and then go back to his own house, right? Well... in
Fnrrf Ygm Schnish, here's what happens if you take Bridget back to the Nuthouse. Not just back to Pibb--you have to approach the Nuthouse doorway to trigger the event.
And here we have a perfect example of
why she was in the Nuthouse to begin with.
Yep... Bridget, second playable character of the game, is also the secret optional boss at the end, even after you beat the actual final boss!
I would've made her name in battle the same as whatever name you gave her in the game, but unfortunately it seems to be impossible to insert any of the playable characters' names into an enemy's name except for the first one (as used in the "Ness's/Eddie's Nightmare" boss in Magicant/Fnrrf.) So I went with a descriptive name instead. XD
Ouch!
But then, bigger ouch in the opposite direction!
And then some more ouch in Eddie's direction again. Bridget uses pretty much all of her special attacks in this battle -- in addition to her regular claw attacks, Zzzter Sigma, Ki Barrier Beta (the reflective one), and Funky Beam Omega all show up. I can't remember her using any variation of Roasty when I fought her, though... maybe because it's kind of redundant with Zzzter Sigma at this point, and unlike Roasty (or Funky Beam) you can't become resistant Zzzter attacks in the game.
And finally, after a long post-final-boss battle, Bridget's knocked out. This is the last you see of her in this game, at least if you decide to go the "piss Bridget off by taking her to the Nuthouse" route.
Bridget's... parents? Insane asylum caretakers? Well, whoever these people are don't seem to realize that she's lying beaten-up on the ground just outside.
Oh yeah, that fat guy. Probably an accurate description of how a lot of people I "knew" in high school would remember me, if they remembered me at all. XD
And here's Larxene, who has moved into Bridget's old room in her absence. She's the only Organization XIII member besides Vexen to get an "un-hooded" sprite in the game, probably because I had an extra NPC sprite near the end that I had to use for
something.
Now, if you
don't take Bridget to the asylum, things are a bit different.
I don't think Bridget
attacks you if you say you're taking her to the asylum at this point, but she's probably not happy about it either. I didn't try it so I'm not sure. XD
Apparently Teekee's insistence on not going outside has meant that he has missed a lot of news about stuff that's going on, unlike other cats.
And a few random words from Julia.
Unfortunately, I never figured out how to edit the names shown in the "cast" sequence, so they're all the same ones from the original
Earthbound even though they're clearly not the same people in many cases. Heck, when "the Sharks" scrolls by, they don't even have the sprite(s) used for members of the Swarm, but random ninjas instead. XD
The staff listing, on the other hand, has been
heavily spoofed! Random names and silliness have been inserted in place of a whole lot of the original staff, with most of them just getting one "the old staff" entry.
Something tells me those aren't Axel and Vexen's real last names. I mean, McSpikey? Olderman? XD
DIRECTOR OF PORNOGRAPHY. But there was no porn in this game! (Giant animated disembodied crotch parts as enemies don't count.)
Also... "Ansem McDarkness." McDarkness. Funny, he doesn't look Irish at all... XD
And the long, absurd list of "Dopeymon," many of which are actual names from my never-finished
Dopémon ROM hack of the Gold/Silver versions of the
Pokémon games. Except there weren't Normal/Evil/Retard variations of Puckerthoo (the Pikachu spoof), just regular ol' Puckerthoo.
How do creepy pine trees eat spam, I wonder? I guess that's part of what makes them creepy...
"Random Monty Python." XD
And the "Inspiration of Spoofs" list is probably the single longest one in this entire credits sequence, even longer (by a lot) than the random "Dopeymon" listing above. I trimmed out a few that had the full names of people I knew (and, for the most part, wished I didn't) in high school, but there's still a lot even without those bits.
Wait... no, POOP is not a food! XD
I suppose "rotten bananas" and "evil pimentos" are
technically food. And more probably-not-their-actual-last-name last names at the end here.
This page is mostly unchanged. Until you get to "POWERFUL HOTDOGS" of course...
Methods of population control: anti-human spray, alien abductions, big hurricanes, and tyrannosaurs.
And no, I have no idea why it randomly goes "YAY, FOOTLONG TURDS" at the end of the "coordinators" section. XD
Special thanks to "the idiot who came up with gooey deodorant that only comes out of one hole." Or "deoderant" to use the game's typo spelling... whoops. This is a reference to a type of deodorant that Julia hated, if I'm remembering right. I think the exact wording came from Julia, also.
...and yeah, that's the Pepto Bismol song in there. Also on this page: "the old staff, yo."
Some randomness here near the end. Some bastards want to thank Adolf Hitler, apparently.
And that's all.
By the way, "Plarplethingie" is the username I had on the Starmen.net forum waaay back when I was still working on this, by the way. I think I still do have an account on there, though I'm not really on there often (or... ever, really) anymore.
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